Everlasting Darkness of The Broken Heart
by the fish is dead
Summary: She had given up on trying to move on. He had hurt her in the worst way possible, and she didn't care anymore. Her life was shadowed by pain. She was broken, and she accepted it. But fate just couldn't leave it at that. UPDATED AND COMPLETED!
1. Wounds That Run Too Deep

Disclaimer: (for all chapters) I do not own Harry Potter or any it's characters.

Chapter One: Wounds That Run Too Deep

----

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave

_----_

I looked up at the dreary grey sky, my features immediately changing to match it. These days my metamorphmaging powers seemed to blank me into my surroundings, and I no longer had the will to change back.

"I'm giving you an assignment, Tonks," came a tattered voice from behind me.

I turned, and met the gaze of Minerva McGonagall, holding a large yellow folder in her arms. McGonagall's once shining, sharp brown eyes had dimmed to a sad, defeated hazel. Her pale, papery skin looked almost unreal, and I feared she wouldn't be able to hold up much longer. The Second War had certainly taken its toll on her. It had taken its toll on all of us.

"OK," I replied, feeling too absorbed right then to inquire any further. I still was examining McGonagall with sad contempt. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Dumbledore had not passed, and the responsibility of the Order had not fallen into Minerva's hands. It is, and was, too much for her to handle, and we all knew she was slowly and silently cracking under the pressure. We all pitied her terribly, but what could we do? She was the only person for the job, rather of course than Dumbledore.

McGonagall frowned, but the once penetrating and near terrifying effect this held was gone. She looked merely exhausted and grouchy. "I need you to go and check out a small village in Calais, as there have been a few reports of Dementors sightings." Minerva sighed, and rubbed her temples somnolently. "Just when we thought we had them rounded all up," she murmured quietly. Then, straightening up, she continued, "I need you, accompanied of course by few other members of the Order, to go and check it out. Be very thorough and careful. We can't afford any mistakes." McGonagall handed me the folder, and tightened her jaw with displeasure. "I'll discuss this further with you and your companions at the next Order meeting." Minerva turned to go, and then bristly stopped, her eyes glistening. "And, Nymphadora, try and get some rest. If I do say so myself, you have been looking much like an Inferi these past months."

McGonagall nodded, and Disapparated quickly into oblivion.

I sighed, scrunched my face up, and forced my features back to normal. But as I stood up and began to walk slowly towards my flat, I knew she hadn't just meant my metamorphmaging powers malfunctioning. I was just simply a wreck.

----

Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

----

I stopped walking abruptly, and looked back at the depressing, lonely beach I had just

left. I remember, as a child, going there almost every day, along with my mum and dad. It had been so beautiful and comforting back then. Now, as I gazed back on it sadly, it just looked deserted and destroyed, as did almost everything nowadays.

I closed my eyes and concentrated as hard as I could on my flat. I just wasn't in the mood to walk there anymore.

A second later, I reappeared outside of my front door. Not even bothering to check if any Muggles had seen me, I fished my key out of my pocket and let myself in.

I looked into my perfectly organized flat and sighed. Jonathan must have come and cleaned it up when I was at work. Sometimes I wish that man would just leave me alone.

I hastily took off my coat and dropped it on the freshly waxed floor. Taking my hair out of its loose ponytail, I flopped down on the couch, my eyes silently observing the walls.

I had many pictures hanging on them, mostly of my friends at the Order and my parents. As I searched them longingly, I felt a painful headache coming on. I had to stop thinking. It never did me any good anymore.

Closing my eyes briefly for a second, I concluded I wasn't going to get any sleep. I had started to think, and now my mind wasn't going to leave me alone. I got up silently, my footsteps so light it was almost if I was floating across the room.

I looked into the large vanity mirror in my bathroom, and felt my insides cringe. My lank, brown hair looked even more depressing than usual, and my tired, grey eyes still held no sparkle, or any sense of my old self. I put my hands to my face, and rubbed my temples softly, trying half-heartedly to rid my forehead of the harsh, sorrowful lines that had chiseled their way onto my skin.

I stood back, and took a long look at my whole self. I could pass for at least forty. I looked nowhere near my actual twenty-six.

_And nothing like the Tonks he loved._

At that thought, my hammering head issued a painful surge. I sharply drew in a breath, grabbed a bottle of water, some headache pills from the cabinet in front of me, and walked slowly back over to the couch.

Just as I settled myself down on the couch, pills and water still in hand, the phone rang ear splittingly from beside me.

----

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

_----_

Annoyed, I checked the caller ID; suddenly wishing I had never gotten involved with a Muggle born.

I let the phone ring a few times, before downing my pills and picking it up.

"Hello," came a voice from the other line, before I even had a chance to speak. "It's Jonathan."

I tried to contain a sigh, and counted to ten slowly and silently. "I know," I finally said, looking down at the couch pensively.

Jonathan gave a shrill laugh, and I shut my eyes, trying to resist the urge to hang up on him. "Wow, you're talkative, dear," he said teasingly, his voice low.

_Don't call me that, Molly Weasley calls me that_, I thought, my headache worsening by the minute. "I feel sick," I explained dully.

"Well, I won't keep you long, then," Jonathan said, his voice near sympathetic. No one really _was_ sympathetic to me anymore. They just sighed, and drew a sad face. "I just wanted to ask, are we still on for next Thursday?"

"Unless I have to work." I looked up at a tiny spider crawling across the ceiling and sighed, my eyelids beginning to flutter. The pills were kicking in.

"Great. Er –" Jonathan broke off hastily, for once in his life unsure of what words next to use. "Me mam…she wants to meet you. Are you up to that anytime soon?"

Oh, Merlin. I knew this was coming. As I tried to remain awake, I searched my brain for a good excuse. "I've just got a huge assignment for work," I partly-lied; suddenly glad of my encounter with Minerva today. "It's out of town."

"Oh. Well, I'll be sure to write. I'll miss you."

I tried to smile, I really did. But nothing ever shows on the outside for me. My workmates seem to have grown accustomed to calling me 'Ghosty' now. Charming, I know.

"Good," is all I finally managed to choke out.

"OK. Er – well, back to my mother," said Jonathan, and for once I had the distant feeling of amusement. "Are we…ready for that?"

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. I really couldn't even answer myself. Was I ready for that? I knew…I knew I could never get over _him, _but I also knew I would never get him back. At that, a cold feeling of remembrance made it's way into my system. Ignoring it frantically, I quickly blurted, "Yes."

"Great," Jonathan stated, and I could _feel_ him smiling on the other line. "I'll talk to you later, darling. Bye."

With a sigh, I hung up the phone, and fell back onto the couch, sleep coming instantaneously.

_----_

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams

----

I woke up later that day, my headache gone, and my body numb. I stood, and stalked over slowly to the kitchen, trying to rid my brain of the dream I had just woken up from. Not that it wasn't same one I had been having almost every day for the last year. I should be getting used to it by now.

I shivered, and suddenly realized the numbness my body was feeling wasn't just from a bad dream. I looked around. My flat was practically an igloo. I exhaled slowly, and to my amazement, my breath was visible. It must be less than five degrees in here.

I shook my head, opened the cupboard, and grabbed a package of hot chocolate mix. I dumped it quickly in some water and shoved it in the microwave, magicking it to go faster. While I was waiting, I ran to my bedroom and threw my warmest sweater over my head.

At that point, the microwave had begun to blare noise angrily. I plugged my ears, and sleepily trudged over into the kitchen. I grabbed the cup, and then dropped it abruptly on the floor, soothing my burnt hands and swearing. It was _hot_.

"Shit." I looked down at the cup blankly. _Go to hell_, I thought menacingly at it. Why can't I just have a damn cup of cocoa?

Slowly, I levitated the remains on the counter. Dropping them down unforgivingly, I walked forward to examine the broken cup. It was the little broken pieces of my once favourite cup, a blindingly pink colour.

_The last item resembling anything close to my old life._

I dropped them hastily into the garbage, and went off into the living room. I sat ungracefully down on the couch and looked around. No windows were open. How the hell did it get so cold in here?

I looked behind me at the thermostat. It had to be broken, or something. Closing my eyes tightly, I snuggled down onto couch, shivering like mad.

Vaguely, I wondered when the next Order meeting would be. I wanted to know more about my assignment. Right now, it seemed pretty boring, and routine. I was assigned a case almost just like this last week. Turned out to be nothing. Still… Calais. McGonagall wouldn't send me other there unless it was something important, as mostly we just investigate England and Wales, and leave everything else to their Aurors.

_----_

Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

_----_

Rubbing my eyes and forearms, I stood up, my teeth now chattering away loudly.

_I should probably talk to the landlord about the heat_, I thought, yawning. _Though…_I leaned over slightly backwards to look at the calendar by the kitchen window. _It's Tuesday. Which is his 'self-proclaimed' day off._

Suddenly, a numb shiver can down my spine. Not from the cold however, but I had the distinct feeling someone was watching me. Nervously, I turned around; I saw a large, tawny owl staring at me from the window. I recoiled, and nearly let out a shriek of shock.

_It's just an owl,_ I told myself irritably. _Stop being such a baby._

Slowly, I walked towards it, opening the window with a loud squeak. The owl gracefully flew in and landed on my coffee table, promptly sticking out its leg. It hooted elegantly, and shook its head, ruffling up its feathers.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I murmured, nearing the coffee table. Quickly, I untied the scroll and opened it.

_Tonks,_

_The next Order meeting is in two days, on Sunday. Minerva has said we will be discussing a new mission of yours._

_Molly._

I sighed, and laid down the scroll. Obviously Molly was still having troubles conjuring her patronous. Gently stroking the owl beside me, I vowed to put the date on the calendar.

"All right, time to get going," I muttered, my voice barely audible. I lifted the bird up, and expertly let it out of the window.

_----_

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

_----_

_A/N: The song I used in this chapter is 'My Immortal' by Evanescance. Please do not sue me - I really have no money at all._


	2. When Heaven Falls Into Hell

Chapter Two: When Heaven Falls Into Hell

I warily stood on the doorstep of my late cousin's mansion, my lanky hair tied back into a lazy French braid. Not even bothering to knock, I turned the doorknob. It was, of course, open. No one ever seemed to lock it anymore.

The place seemed deserted. I was tempted to call out for someone, but I restrained from it. I was probably just early, or very late.

Carefully, I rounded a corner. Though we had cleared out most of the dark creatures and curses years ago, there always seemed to be an unpleasant surprise waiting for you somewhere.

Inexplicably, as I turned the corner, I faced nothing. Just an empty kitchen. Looking around carefully, I sat down, feeling a strange sense of accomplishment to be the first there.

I examined the table in front of me drearily. It was quite dirty, really. Silently, I drew tiny pictures in the dust, eventually signing my name with a big 'NT'.

I heard ruffling noises beside me, and turned. People were coming. No voices, though. So, I was guessing, that there only one person.

As they turned the corner, and our eyes met, my blood ran cold. I suddenly remembered why I was never early to Order meetings. Standing a few feet away from me, frozen in his tracks, was Remus Lupin.

It was if both of our mouths had been glued shut, and our minds destroyed. We just stared at each other, unsure of what to do. My insides were churning horribly and I felt suddenly sick. Merlin, why did it have to be him?

He looked a lot paler then the last time I saw him, and his once clean-shaven face had been taken over by outrageous stubble – which really didn't suit him. His eyes were dark, hurt, and looked a bit frightened, even. I felt a wave of depression suddenly pass over me. Imagine a werewolf being afraid of a depressed twenty-six year old metamorphmagus. Words stung the back of my throat, but I ignored them.

It seemed Lupin came to his senses first. He blinked, looked down, and opened his mouth, though not saying anything. I drew in a fast breath and looked downwards also. This was what had become of a great friendship, a great…

Chattering voices from down the hall stopped my thoughts in their tracks. Lupin quickly moved to a seat as far away from me as possible, and continued to look down, seemingly absorbed, at his shoes.

Hestia Jones and Charlie Weasley greeted us with a tiny smile. They walked silently over to two empty seats. Charlie, always the gentleman, helped Hestia gracefully into her seat.

She smiled and gave him a loving kiss. I stiffened, and I could sense Lupin doing the same. Hestia and Charlie had been dating steadily for the past year, and now have just announced they're engaged. Of course, everyone is absolutely ecstatic for them. I just hope it doesn't turn out the same way as me.

Quite rapidly after Charlie and Hestia's arrival, everyone started to show up, Molly and Arthur surprisingly last.

"Sorry we're late," said Molly tiredly, absently fluffing up her greying hair.

McGonagall looked at her somewhat sternly, but turned to the rest of us. "Now that we are all here, I will officially begin this meeting. First order of business," McGonagall cleared her throat professionally, "is the new mission I have assigned a few of our members."

A few. I had forgotten two other members would accompany me.

"I have assigned," Minerva began again, for no for apparent reason, "three of our members to go and check out a small village in Calais for Dementors. They are supposedly breeding, and action needs to be taken quickly. I have assigned Nymphadora, Hestia and Remus to the case."

My eyes widened with shock, and in my subconscious I could feel dozens of eyes flipping back between Lupin and me.

_No,_ I thought, my body freezing over. _No, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. I can't go on a mission with Remus. No, no, no, no. I have to be dreaming. I have to be dreaming. Or, better yet, I'm dead and am just having some weird recollection moment. Please say I'm dead. Please._

Unfortunately, as I pinched myself silently under the table, I miserably concluded that I was neither dead nor dreaming.

Lupin gave a strangled sort of cough from my left, and I could feel him looking at me, though only from the corners of his eyes. This was hurting him as much as it was me, I could tell.

_But it shouldn't_, I thought suddenly. _This was all his fault. He created this._

I groaned inwardly, and turned to McGonagall, who – totally and painfully oblivious – was still going on about this mission.

"So, I think there is nothing really more to say," Minerva said, stifling a yawn, and straightening her huge glasses lazily. "Does anyone have anything else to put forth?"

_Yes!_ My body screeched. _Get me off of this mission! I can't do this! Don't make me, please…_

But I said nothing, and my expression remained nonchalant.

Everyone else remained silent also, abiding by the rule that if I didn't say anything, they wouldn't either.

"Meeting adjourned," said McGonagall quietly, getting up.

I got up as quickly as I could, not wanting to look anyone in the eye. I quickly ran into the sitting room, waiting for everyone to exit.

After about ten minutes of waiting, I slowly opened the door and slipped out. Luckily, as I checked the kitchen, Molly was still there, along with Arthur, Ginny, Charlie and Fred.

"Hello," I said quietly, stepping into the room and taking a seat at the dirty table.

"Hello," replied Molly, Arthur, Ginny and Charlie in unison.

Fred said nothing for a moment, before lifting his solemn face and managing a half smile. "Hi, Tonks."

I nodded slightly. "Is George any better?" I asked, my voice low.

The whole family stiffened. "No," answered Ginny, her voice surprisingly strong. "He…he's still in a coma."

I nodded again, inhaling slowly. George had been fighting a Death Eater about a year ago, when a near-lethal blast from behind knocked him out. And he's been just like that for a year. Alive…but eternally unconscious.

I stole a glance at Fred, whose body had tightened and his eyes had glazed over at the mere mention of his brother. George's accident had really changed him. He was still Fred…but much, much more serious. McGonagall, now, was closer to being the comical relief than Fred.

"There's still no sign of Bill, either," added Charlie, bringing me out my thoughts. "Ginny and me have searched everywhere."

Ginny nodded in agreement, her green eyes gleaming with tears. She had quit school to join the Order full time, mostly to search for her mysteriously missing brother, much to Molly's disagreement. But still, she was seventeen and Molly didn't have the will to argue any further.

I was tempted to ask about news from Harry, Hermione and Ron, but I decided not to. If there were any news, Molly would have brought it up at the meeting. Though, we weren't really even sure _what_ they were doing. Ginny seemed to have a vague idea, but she refused to talk about it. All we knew was that, from their letters, they were safe and looking for something 'important'.

I glanced up at Molly, and noticed she was looking at me in that unbearably kind, motherly sort of way. I gave her an unconvincing 'I'm fine' nod and Molly frowned, lining her features even more.

"Can I speak to you – _alone_ – for a moment?" she asked quietly.

I looked right at her, and knew immediately what was coming. Eventually, though, I nodded. I couldn't win against Molly.

We stood up, and entered the sitting room I had previously waited in.

Molly shut the door firmly behind us. She turned to me, her face grim.

"Tonks, dear, no one would blame you if you decided to…not take part in this mission. You don't _have_ to do this."

Sustaining a shiver, I shook my head. "Molly…much as I'd…like to, I can't. I have a duty to the Order."

Inside, I was screaming at myself. _Look, you had a chance to get out of this! Why didn't you take it? What is wrong with you?_

I shook my head again, this time to free my mind of its thoughts.

Molly sighed, and rubbed her tired eyes. "OK. It's just a few days. Just…be careful, dear."

I glanced up, surprised. "Be careful?" I questioned quietly.

Molly looked at me, her eyes sharp. "I don't want you to be hurt again."

As Molly left the room, I wondered for a moment about her words. The way she said it just seemed so…accusing. Lupin hadn't purposely hurt me, had me?

_Stop being on his side_, I quickly told myself, lying down flat on the sofa. _He doesn't deserve you on his side._

I sighed and let my hair out of the French braid it had been restrained in. Absently, I fought out the knots with my fingers, making it a bit more presentable.

As a familiar image of a pink, spiky haired metamorphmagus popped into my mind, I glanced in a mirror a few feet ahead of me. I inhaled a sharp breath and looked down at my pale, thin fingers, ignoring the tears hammering at the back of my eyes.

Taking one last look at mirror, I sighed, and scrunched up my face in concentration. Gingerly, I lifted one hand to my hair.

It was perfectly short and spiky.

I looked daringly in the mirror and gasped. My hair was indeed short, spiky, and bubblegum pink.

"Oh, Merlin," I whispered, my eyes wide. I looked so much…younger like this. More, bubbly, excited…happy.

A loud knock at the door startled me to my feet. Before anyone could come in, I quickly changed back to my, sad, lanky-haired self.

"Yes?" I squeaked.

The door opened a crack and Molly's head popped out. "I was just wondering if you'd like to have dinner at the Burrow."

Letting my eyes flicker to the mirror one last time, I nodded and followed her out the door.

----

"Pass the potatoes, Fred," said Ginny loudly, his green eyes shining with annoyance. When their was no reply, her face began to steadily turn about as red as her hair. "Fred! Pass the bloody potatoes already!"

Fred's head lifted, and his eyes met Ginny's. "What?"

Ginny groaned, and like her face fall onto her plate.

"Ginny!" exclaimed Molly. "Do _not_ use that _foul_ word in front of me, and do not put your face in your food!"

Ginny lifted her head, a few pieces of food still sticking to it. She wiped off impatiently and scowled. "Then tell Fred to clean out his ears and return to reality!"

Molly sighed, and looked over exhaustedly to her son. "Fred, please give Ginny the potatoes."

Fred looked blankly between the both of them, and then slowly handed the bowl of potatoes to Ginny.

I remained silent through everything, observing with no excitement whatsoever of the Weasleys' family dramas.

Soundlessly, I looked down at my plate of food and began to slowly separate them onto different parts of the plate. Potatoes – far right. Steamed carrots – far left. Roast beef – center.

"Tonks, so, what's really up with your mission?" asked Ginny, leaning forward with interest. "It has to be harder than it seems, right? I mean, you're an Auror, you usually get the difficult missions, not the routine ones."

_You can hardly call this routine_, I thought bitterly.

"I don't know much," I murmured, still looking down at my plate. "McGonagall told me basically the same thing as you."

"Oh," said Ginny, hiding the disappointment in voice well. "Well, I'm done. I'll do the dishes. Tonks, wanna help?"

I glanced up, and shrugged. I stood up and followed her with my practically uneaten plate in hand.

But as soon as Ginny dumped her plate in the sink, she turned to me. "So, you and Remus on a mission together?"

I groaned inwardly, and ignored the tingling feeling I got whenever anyone brought him up. "Yes," I said, looking around the small kitchen.

"And?"

"Nothing," I said, my voice heavy, and possibly…disappointed? I let out an audible sigh, and suddenly felt irritable. It doesn't matter if I _was_ actually disappointed or not. I swore to myself that I would never again get that close to the man, no excuses.

Ginny gave me a skeptical look, but got back to washing the dishes.

----


	3. Kiss Away All Of Your Tears

Chapter Three: Kiss Away All of Your Tears

Numbly, as I got up, it registered to me what day it was. Friday. The day I got to set off on the mission I had been just _dying_ to embark on.

Still tired from the late night of half-hearted partying with Jonathan, I exhaustedly made my way around the kitchen. In the end, I successfully made myself a bowl of cereal. Well, in a matter of speaking.

As I tried to shovel Cheerios into my mouth with a fork, an owl swooped through my open window and landed on the table beside me.

"Hello," I said softly, petting its beautiful snowy feathers.

It gave a loud hoot in reply, and stuck out its ankle irritably.

I quickly untied the letter and opened it.

_Nymphadora,_

_You, Hestia, Remus and I will meet at Grimmauld Place at no later than 11:30 this morning._

_Minerva McGonagall_

I rubbed my eyes sleepily and dropped the parchment on the table. I turned to the owl, finally beginning to wake up. "Tell her I said 'Fine'," I told it, ignoring the blunt fact that owls can't speak, nor can they understand humans much.

The owl shrilly hooted, flung itself into the air and elegantly swooped out of my window.

----

I arrived at Grimmauld Place not a second after eleven thirty that morning. Before I could even open the door, however, McGonagall swung it open from the other side, her worn face strained into a scowl.

"About time you showed up, Nymphadora," she said quietly, looking down at the tiny suitcase I was carrying. "The other's are waiting inside."

Without a word escaping my mouth, I followed Minerva into the kitchen, hauling my shockingly heavy luggage along behind me.

Everyone looked almost as exhausted as I felt. Hestia was yawning every few minutes, and Lupin looked about ready to fall asleep. Vaguely, I wondered when the next full moon was.

"Hey, Tonks," greeted Hestia, smiling slightly.

"Hi," I replied quietly, and took my seat beside her, which happened to be right across from Lupin. Stiffly, I turned to McGonagall, shadowing him from my eyesight.

Minerva primly went on to explain minor details about the mission, barely anything different than what I had already learned from our first encounter and the meeting.

"So, do you all understand the main purpose of this mission?" She ended, really not seeming to care if we did get the main purpose or not.

"Yes," chirped Hestia lonely voice. "I think we get it."

"Good. I except you'll be leaving any minute now. I'll leave you to organize the finer details." True to her word, a second later, McGonagall turned on her heel and left the room.

Hestia furrowed her brow, then and turned to Remus. "I don't think we need to organize anything more. Why don't we just leave now?"

Remus was quiet for a moment before I heard his hoarse voice say, "All right. You're right, there isn't much else we need to do."

I heard the screeches of their chairs pulling away, and I sighed. Time to go.

----

It took almost no time to Apparate to Calais. Within the hour, we were standing talking to an Auror who lived there, and had volunteered to show us around and to better describe the Dementors attacks.

"Luckily," the plump, red-faced wizard said gruffly. "No one has been – er – no one's soul has been taken yet. Just three, very close, encounters."

"I see," said Lupin, raking a long hand through his hair, like he always did he was bored.

"Have the attacks been violent?" I asked dully, when my companions failed to speak up.

The overweight Auror scratched the top of his balding head thoughtfully. "Yes, I'd say so. All the attacks have been on young children, and two of them are have been taken to St. Mungo's in critical condition."

"Yes, I would probably describe that as 'violent'," I said flatly. From beside me, Lupin gave a muffled cough. I absently glanced at him from the corner of my eye. Was he _laughing_?

Shaking my head, I turned back to the Auror, whose face had gone noticeably redder. "Er – yes. So, anyways, do you – do you have a place to stay? My wife has offered our home for a while, if you're interested."

I fought back a shudder at the thought of staying for a week at the balding Aurors.

Lupin cleared his throat and spoke up. "Er – no, that's all right. We've…found somewhere already, but thank you."

Silently, I fought back the urge to thank Lupin for saving my life.

"We have?" Hestia whispered harshly to us as we walked away.

"No," I explained quietly, with a sigh. "That was an excuse."

Hestia seemed confused. I shook my head and tried to explain further. "Did you really want to spend a week at that sweaty Aurors?"

Again, Lupin let out a muffled cough. As I kept on walking, feeling slightly annoyed, Hestia turned to him.

"Are you all right? I have a cough drop if you need it," she said, trying to be helpful.

"I'm fine, thanks," Remus said, and I could feel his eyes on my back.

_Leave me alone_, I thought irritably. _Find another girl's heart to break._

"So, where are we going?" inquired Hestia, being cheerful for no reason. _What_ in this mangy little town was there to be cheerful about?

"I thought we could walk around for a bit and scout out an inn," Lupin filled in, being as professoryish as possible.

"Great!" exclaimed Hestia, with bubbly excitement.

For a moment, she reminded me of someone I couldn't quite put my finger on. Then, after a minute or two or thought, I got it.

She reminded me of me – well, the old me, anyways.

----

After over two hours of walking around the small village, we finally found a low-cost, bug-infested hotel with vacancy.

"Uh," began Lupin, to the lady at the front desk. She turned, and gave him a bright smile.

"Hello, well – er – we'd like a room for three, please."

"Very well," she said, with a heavy French accent. "Would you like any double beds?"

Lupin tightened impulsively, and shook his head, a little too quickly. "Er – no. Just three 'single' beds, please."

The lady smiled and nodded, giving me a quick glance before she typed something down on the computer. Sighing, I turned away from everyone, looking soundlessly at the scenery.

"Room one-oh-six," she announced, holding out a key to Lupin. "Enjoy your stay."

Hestia and Lupin murmured quiet "thank-you"s and we all started down the hall, Lupin and I being severely careful to stay on opposite sides of the hall.

Our room was, incidentally, the first room on the left. Hestia smiled, practically grabbed the key from Lupin, and opened the door.

The room was an absolute disaster area. There were blankets and food spread out all over it, and the wallpaper was practically peeling off the walls. Obviously they didn't have room service. Or any human beings capable of operating a dustpan.

"It's…homey," said Hestia, her smile quickly fading.

"We can clean it up," suggested Remus, scanning the room carefully, counting all the flaws. "It could be worse," he added finally.

Without a word, I began to collect all the scattered pieces of food and linen. Slowly, the others followed me, Hestia with a look of disgust on her face.

It took about an hour to clear the whole room, and by that time, it was dark.

"We should get an early start tomorrow," said Hestia, sliding onto a bed. "I think we should all got to sleep now."

I looked over at the tiniest bed in the corner. It suit me perfectly; dull, small, and pathetic. I climbed in, and without another word, turned off my lamp, not wanting to live another moment of this day.

----

_I could feel my eyes start to fill with tears as I watched the three men carefully put my mother's coffin into the empty grave. Not wanting to make a scene, I quietly walked off, wiping my eyes fervently. _

_I stopped only when I could no longer hear the undertakers depressing speech. I leaned weakly on a tree, my breath short and raspy._

_How could this happen? Everything was going so well…the Healers said she would be fine…_

_Shaking my head fiercely, I felt a single tear slide down my cheek. What do Healers know anyway? They're just a bunch of quacks that think they can pull the wool over our eyes because they know a few fancy spells._

_Feeling my legs start to give out from under me, I squatted down beside the tree, burying my face in its bark._

_How could this happen? How…_

"_Nymphadora?" came a calm voice from behind me._

_I turned and stood up, finding myself face-to-face with Remus._

_I wiped my cheeks in agony. I didn't want my boyfriend to see me crying._

"_Remus…I'm sorry I left like that…I just…I just had to get away," I tried to explain, a lump growing in my throat._

_Remus' eyes softened, and he studied me lovingly. "I know," he said quietly, taking a step closer to me._

"_Oh, Remus," I cried, tears now falling hard and fast down my face. I choked on my words, and rapped my arms tightly around him. He returned the hug, and kissed my hair softly, murmuring small words of comfort._

_Twisting his now tear-soaked sweater with my hands, I let out a low wail. "Why did she die?" I thought aloud, drawing back from the embrace and looking at Remus with watery eyes. "Why is everyone around me dying? There was Sirius, Dumbledore and now…and now Mum." I hiccoughed, and buried my face in my hands. "Don't leave me, Remus," I said quietly, my voice muffled by my hands._

"_Pardon?" Remus questioned calmly, his light eyes studying mine._

"_Don't leave me," I repeated, my tone strong and sure. "Don't ever leave me. I wouldn't be able to take it, Remus. I love you…I love you so much."_

_Remus closed his eyes for a second, and then gently kissed me. "I love you too, Nymphadora," he assured me, his breath heavy._

"_I'm sorry for crying," I said, my hysterics now stable._

_Remus smiled. "It's fine. I can always kiss your tears away for you."_

_I let out what could only be described as a laugh. "I like the sound of that."_

_Remus stepped closer to me, so that there was absolutely no space between us. Then, with a smile, he demonstrated just what he meant on my tear-stained cheeks._

I woke up suddenly, my face in a panicky sweat. My heart was beating a mile an hour, and I was miserably reliving the dream I just had.

Looking wildly around the small hotel room, my watery eyes rested on Lupin, who was soundlessly sleeping in his bed.

Biting my lip in agony, I tried to wrench my eyes away from Lupin. His slender body looked much younger in slumber, and the scars on his face had almost disappeared. He looked so…peaceful.

I inhaled sharply, and forced my head back onto the pillow. As I blinked back tears, I wished painfully that someone could, just one more time, kiss away my tears.

_A/N: Sorry I've taken so long to update … I've not only been sick for the past few days, but fan fiction dot net temporarily froze my account. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the update. All reviews appreciated! ; )_


	4. Trying to Get Along

Chapter Four: Trying to Get Along

Opening my eyes the next morning, I could tell Lupin and Hestia were already up and dressed.

Soundlessly, I threw the covers off my body, avoiding both their wandering eyes.

_Go away!_ I wanted to scream. _Leave me in peace. Go on the mission alone. I'm just the depressed little Auror you have to drag along, anyways._

"Can you get ready in fifteen minutes?" asked Hestia quietly, checking her watch and interrupting my internal ranting.

Looking up, I nodded blankly. Hestia smiled, seeming to think that little gesture would cheer me up.

Lupin looked tired, and his greying brown hair was slightly messed up. I scowled, grabbed a few clothes and headed towards the bathroom. And I always thought Remus Lupin was a morning person.

Hastily, I pulled on a black tank top and skirt, covering it with a comfy jacket. I stuffed a grey robe into a backpack I brought and put it on my back. Swiftly, I brushed my teeth and combed my tangled hair.

When I came back out into the main room, Lupin was sitting quietly in an armchair, and Hestia was flipping through a town map.

She looked up hopefully when she saw me, and nodded. "OK, let's go."

We were barely out the front doors before Hestia started jabbering away. "Anyways, so, first I think we should check out the spot where the first attack was, which is –" Hestia shoved the map she was carrying and pointed out a dot with her finger "– right there. Did you get that? Good. So, then after we've…"

I couldn't help it. I yawned. Beside me, I noticed, Lupin did the same, except he covered it up much better.

My blood boiled. What, was he copying me now? My scowl deepened, and I quickened my pace, lining myself up with Hestia.

"Good," said Lupin, pretending he had been paying attention. I scoffed, and ran a hand through my hair absently.

As we began to walk down the side of the road, looking absolutely foolish in our odd-Muggle array of clothing, Lupin somehow managed to get right beside me. I turned my head slightly, and realized he was barely a foot away from me. My insides seemed to freeze over, and I tried to casually dart beside Hestia.

As I quickened my pace beside her, she gave a look that clearly said 'get-over-it-already-you're-acting-like-a-bloody-two-year-old'. I blankly ignored it and stared on in front of me, wishing I had taken Molly's advice and never gone on this mission.

----

We arrived at whatever the place Hestia wanted to go to at around noon, and I was starving. However, my companions seemed contempt, and I guessed they had had breakfast before I got up and didn't leave any extras. Traitors.

"We should try taking a Muggle bus, or something," said Hestia, who was dead set on not Apparating too much because it was too 'suspicious'. "Then we'd get to our next stop quicker."

I looked over the scenery drearily, while Lupin seemed compelled to say "Good idea."

As we started to examine the scene, I noticed something out of the ordinary. It was a tiny, wilted, frozen daisy. I plucked it from the ground and examined it. So Hestia was right. This was the scene of one of the Dementors attacks.

"Look," I said, so quietly that I doubted anyone would hear me. However, Lupin strode up beside me a moment later, though examining the flower from a far distance.

"Good job," he said softly, yet the closeness of his voice made me jump. I turned my head slightly and noticed he was a lot closer to me than I had thought.

"It's standard Auror work," I practically whispered, ignoring the shivers that were running down my spine.

Just then, Hestia appeared beside me. "Wow," she said, taking the flower from me and looking at it roughly. "Nice."

Privately glad for the excess company, I straightened up, looking around one last time. "I don't think there's anything else here."

"We should meet with Jeffrey again, that Auror we spoke with yesterday. To see if there is any more attacks, or anything," spoke Hestia confidently, her tiny eyes shining.

"If there haven't been any, or if the children aren't getting any better, I don't see what else we can do here," said Lupin, his voice weary. "Maybe it was just a coincidence."

My outgoing nature, however seldom of it remained, suddenly got the best of me, and I blurted out before I could stop myself. "Coincidence? Three children nearly got their_ souls_ sucked out! Three. How can you "coincidently" set a Dementor on someone? This was planned, plain and simple." I stopped suddenly, and looked out into the sky, not believing I had just freaked out like that.

Silence. No one was speaking. Were they outraged? In shock? I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sky to look. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, anyways.

Lupin shuffled uncomfortably. I knew it was him, even without looking. "I'm sorry," he finally said, and sounded very…truthful about it.

My breath caught and I turned. I was about to say 'don't be sorry' but I caught myself just in time. I nodded, and bit my lip, looking away from everyone.

Another great start to another great day.

----

All three of us were sitting, silent, in our crumby hotel room. We had gone and seen the Auror, who had been absolutely no help. All he said was 'no change, nothing new'. So, we had decided to call it a day, and go sit as still as corpses in our hotel room until night fell. Which I though was an absolutely _splendid_ idea. Hestia and Lupin have no imagination, and I was definitely not in the mood to make any suggestions.

Hestia moved testily, biting her lip with a strange nervousness. "I'll be right back," she blurted, and practically ran out of the room.

Which, unfortunately, left Lupin and I alone. I moved hastily from my lying position on my bed, to a sitting one.

Lupin coughed, and I sneakily shot a glance at him. What was up with him? Was he sick, or did he just do that when he was uncomfortable? My gut told me it was the latter.

Lupin dared a glance at me, and opened his mouth wide, like a goldfish. My breath caught. Was he going to _talk to me_?

Apparently Lupin thought better of it, as he closed his mouth and looked in an opposite direction.

_Tap, tap, tap._

I gasped and jumped to my feet. Looking hastily over at the source of the noise, which was the window, I found a large, black and white feathered owl. It was staring at me in interest, giving a very loud hoot.

_Damn owls_, I thought, scrambling over to the window. _Why won't they leave me alone?_

I noticed Remus hadn't been the least bit frightened by the owl. He was looking at it calmly, from his bed, and seemingly was thinking hard.

I quickly untied the scroll on its ankle and let it in.

"Er – shouldn't it stay outside?" came Remus' nervous voice.

Trying my hardest to concentrate on the task at hand, I shook my head. "No."

The scroll was a ghastly blue colour, and just by the writing of the first letter I could tell whom it was from.

_Dear Tonks,_

_I miss you, even though you've only been gone a few days. Hah – I told you I'd write! So, how are things? Found what you went to find? Write back._

_Lots of love,_

_Jonathan_

I sighed, and crumbled up the letter, shooing the owl out the window. I'd write back when I had time…perhaps.

"Who was that from?" asked Lupin, as I settled back onto the bed.

My insides suddenly twisting violently, and I felt sickeningly guilty.

_Don't feel guilty! _I told myself angrily._ What do _you_ have to feel guilty for?_

"My boyfriend," I whispered, but, as usual, Lupin heard it.

The room immediately filled with tension. I snuck a glance at Lupin, whose face was white and expression confused.

"You…you have…" Lupin started, but forcefully cut himself off. "I mean, good."

Now I was angry. "Good?" I asked, straightening up abruptly. "What do you mean, good?"

Lupin stared down at his shoes, avoiding my glance. "Er – good that you've met someone, and –"

"Oh, get stuffed, Lupin," I said quietly, but harshly, anger still shooting through my veins. I flopped down on the bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to block out the world.

Lupin sighed, and I could hear him standing up. "Can't we…_try_ to get along?"

I remained silent for a moment, still staring determinedly at the ceiling. "No. I don't care if I'm being childish, either. I don't _want_ to try and get along with you." A small voice in my head irritably told me I was lying, but I fumingly shooed it away.

Lupin said nothing, he seemed at a loss for words. Finally, he sighed, and sat back down on his bed. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that," I mumbled, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"OK," he replied, wearily.

Just then, Hestia stormed in, her face resembling cheerful. "Hey – whoa, are you guys all right?" she asked, sensing the tension.

"We're fine," said Remus sweetly. He was always a good liar.

----

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Much appreciated. More to come soon ; )_


	5. There's No Such Thing As Fate

A/N: Looooonnnggg…for this story, anyways… 

Chapter Five: There's No Such Thing As Fate

After the next few days proved unhelpful for any more leads on the Dementor attacks, Hestia announced we were leaving.

_And what if I want to stay?_ I thought irritably, ignoring her rambling as usual.

"…McGonagall said it would be a good idea if we left anyways. She said if we haven't got anything yet, we never will," said Hestia proudly, as if we were incapable of having this knowledge.

_And McGonagall is _always_ right_.

"All right," agreed Lupin. "And Minerva's right, I don't think we'll find anything now."

Lupin's face fell slightly, and I knew he felt bad for leaving without a definite answer.

Nodding, Hestia hastily began to pack away her belongings. "We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning."

I scowled and sat back on the bed, wondering in disdain if I was invisible. Lupin reluctantly drew his eyes towards me, and noticed my obvious scorn.

"Er – is that OK with you…?" Remus held his mouth open for a second and I knew he was wondering what to address me as. In the end, he just left the question at that.

Unsure what to say, I looked blazingly over at him, my stare hard. He stared right back at me, though not out of spite, or wondering, but out of fear. He couldn't look away. My stomach twisted itself into tight knots and I grimaced, looking away with shining eyes. I shrugged nonchalantly after a moment, answering the question.

Lupin looked down at his shoes and sighed. Then, reluctantly it seemed, began to pack away his few belongings.

----

"Get up!" said a determined voice, followed by a pair of hands violently shaking my shoulder.

Opening my eyes wearily, I saw an annoyed Hestia standing over me, her hands on her hips. "It's time to go," she said.

I blinked, and sat up slowly, ignoring my aching head and my tired body.

Across the room, Lupin was hurriedly throwing on a jacket, his longish tawny hair falling in front of his eyes.

I sighed and threw of my blankets, quickly making a getaway for the bathroom. I didn't fancy anyone, least of all Lupin, seeing me in my pajamas.

All in an hour, I managed to have a shower, brush my teeth, and throw on a pair of jeans and an overlarge black sweatshirt.

"I've checked us out," said Lupin slowly, staring me blankly in the eye. Suddenly feeling transparent and uncomfortable, I hastily looked away. Why did he always do that to me?

I took a deep breath and sighed. "Let's just go," I said flatly.

"Right," prompted Hestia, grabbing her luggage. "On three. One, two -"

Sighing, I Disapparated, not waiting until I heard three.

Looking up, I quietly observed the huge run-down manor in front of me. That is, for a few seconds. Before I knew it, Lupin and Hestia had appeared beside me.

Lupin swayed slightly, nearly falling into me. I tried to restrain myself from asking if he was all right. He looked strangely tired, and fragile. There were bags under his deep eyes, and his premature lines were darker and more prominent then ever.

Suddenly realizing I was ogling at him, I turned quickly and began to walk towards the front door of Grimmauld Place. For some reason, my ears didn't seem to be working properly this morning, and I could barely make out Hestia's 'why did you Apparate before I got to three' cries from behind me.

I turned the brass door handle, and was surprised to see it wasn't unlocked. I stared at it, wondering what had caused Molly or Minerva to lock it. Surely something hadn't happened…

"You have to knock," came Lupin's hoarse voice from behind me.

I jumped, and felt my face coloring. He was directly behind me, and I realized I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I sighed, and closed my eyes in angst. His breath felt so good, it so warm…

Opening my eyes abruptly, I loudly knocked on the door. Merlin, I can't do that! I can't think like that! I can never, ever get that close to Lupin again. I can't be hurt like that again. I can't have another inerasable mark on me.

The door suddenly flung open from in front of me, and with a sigh I fell back into reality. Literally.

"Ouch," I said, peeling myself of the floor.

"Oh, Merlin!" came Molly Weasley's apologetic voice from over me.

But it wasn't her arms I felt helping me to my feet. They were strong, slender, yet masculine arms that I felt slide themselves around me. Lupin's arms. My breath caught at his touch, and I could feel him shiver.

As he steadied me I tried very hard not to smile. Why should I be smiling? I just fell flat on my face in front of Molly Weasley and Lupin. I should be scowling like mad and grumbling at the world.

But I couldn't stop watching Lupin. He concern seemed so genuine, and it was so obviously plastered on his worn face. His limp hair messily fell onto his face, and, in this light it looked like it had barely any grey at all. His long hands were shaking slightly, and I realized hauntingly he was still holding me, though I had found my balance long ago.

Blankly, I stepped backwards, tearing his hands off me. His face reddened and he looked curiously at the ceiling.

"Are you all right?" said Molly nervously, as though not any time had passed. Then again, maybe it hadn't.

Blinking daftly, I glanced over at Molly. "I'm great," I said quietly, and began to walk slowly to my surrogate room, my ears buzzing and my brain not able to process any sane thoughts.

----

I lay on my bed at Grimmauld Place, silently trying to contemplate my life. What was my purpose, anyways? I was a low-level Auror, with next-to-no qualifications and no sense of priority. I wasn't much help in the Order, either, really. Sure, I had some far-fetched and imaginative ideas that sometimes helped, but I hardly considered myself a powerful witch. Almost every battle I'd taken part in I'd lost. That's probably why McGonagall put me on that mission, with an overexcited, naïve witch and an aging werewolf. I fit perfectly there, along the misfits.

I sighed, and switched onto my knees, ignoring the coldness that had swept over me at the mere mention of Lupin. Damn him. The mission had made everything between us, if possible, worse. He had tried to talk to me. Talking leads to friendship, and, in our case, friendship leads to romance. I can't have that. Not again.

----

"First order of business," said McGonagall, rubbing her worn eyes. She turned to Remus and Hestia, who conveniently happened to be sitting together. I had managed to stay as far away as possible, right on the other side of the table, and wasn't really shocked when McGonagall overlooked me. It's not like I was really an asset, anyways. "How was the mission?"

Lupin and Hestia carefully exchanged glances, unsure how to put it. Hestia opened her mouth, but I luckily beat her to it, stopping her from giving some long, boring speech.

"Inconclusive," I said simply, soundlessly watching everyone crane their necks to look in my direction.

"Nothing?" prompted Charlie, as he thought I was just saying that for the hell of it.

"It was inconclusive," agreed Hestia, nodding her head. "We found…nothing, and there were no other attacks. We have to just accept it was a coincidence."

Lupin shifted uncomfortably, and looked my way for a fraction of a second. I continued to stare at Hestia (who was, unfortunately, giving a speech) and tried as hard as I could to look interested.

McGonagall's droning voice ended Hestia's speech. "That's unfortunate. I – well, you tried your best, I suppose," McGonagall's voice had a slightly accusing edge to it, and she cast a glance at Lupin, who merely blinked at her. Sighing silently, and straightening up her glasses tiredly, she set her gaze back onto the rest of us. "Does anyone one else have anything to add?"

Everyone gave a chorus of 'no' and I sighed. As we got up to leave, I heard a timid voice call me from behind.

"Er – Tonks?" I turned, and saw Arthur gesturing towards me. We somehow managed to get out of the crowd and into the nearby hallway.

I looked up at him expectedly, and he smiled nervously. "Ah…could I ask you a _huge_ favour?" he asked.

I shrugged. I would do almost anything for the Weasley's. I owed them so much.

"C-could you do my shift tonight? It's the eleven-thirty one. I-I just really need to spend so time with the kids, and Molly…work's been so hectic…I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate…" He cut off, and looked at me hopefully.

"OK," I said nonchalantly.

Arthur smiled, and patted me on the shoulder. "Thanks," he said. "And don't worry."

He walked away quickly, and I was left trying to ponder his statement. Don't worry?

----

Soaking wet and ready to fall asleep on the spot, I stumbled towards my apartment door. As I hastily shook the raindrops off my jacket, I irreverently wished that I had never taken night shift from Arthur Weasley. Three hours outside in pitch dark and pouring rain was not my idea of a good time.

I fished around in my pocket for my keys, and to my dismay, found a hole. Everything had fallen out. My money (fifteen galleons!), my lucky thimble (don't ask) and my keys to my apartment.

With a sigh, I took out my wand and looked up at my door. But as soon as I saw the small piece of paper attached to it, I gasped, and felt my body go even number then it was. I was being evicted! I tore off the small sign, and read the whole thing. It told me I had 'till six o'clock to get out. I groaned and shook my head. It had been seven hours since six o'clock. This wasn't my apartment anymore.

_This can't be happening_, I thought with a shiver.

Groaning, I closed my eyes and concentrated on number twelve Grimmauld Place.

A few seconds later, I appeared _literally_ right outside the door. Really, I fell flat against it as soon as I landed. And, just my luck, it wasn't locked. So – I fell flat on my face in the entrance hall of Grimmauld place, yet again.

"Ow," I muttered as I struggled to my feet. Rubbing my elbows, which I had used to break my fall, I glanced around the deserted hallway. Hopefully no one was here.

I yawned, and started towards the kitchen, feeling strangely famished.

As I passed through the hallway, I sworn I could have seen a figure lying, motionless, on the couch in the sitting room. I took a deep breath and walked a few feet backwards, glancing into the room.

There, sleeping soundly on the sofa was Lupin, a book lying forgotten on his lap. I sharply gasped and my hand tightened impulsively on the doorframe.

_Why, out of everyone in the Order, did _he _have to be here? Why does this keep on happening? Am I being punished for something?_ Lupin stirred slightly, and I started, my pulse quickening.

_Or maybe its just fate,_ I wondered, however faintly.

As an exhilarating jet of emotions – mainly annoyance and anger – ran through my system, I stormed off towards the kitchen, though absently making sure I wasn't being loud enough to wake Lupin.

I grabbed a surprisingly gigantic mug and magicked it to fill with hot, steaming coffee. Drinking it slowly, I concluded that my powers always worked better when I was upset.

Looking around the room for somewhere to sit, I sadly remembered Molly had taken away the chairs, saying she was going to 'fix them up'.

I sighed heavily, and trudged towards the sitting room. I peered in, and looked tersely at the still sleeping man a few feet away from me. I closed my eyes for a moment, before gently striding in and taking a seat as far away from him as possible.

I curled quickly into a ball, my coffee nestled on my stomach and my right arm wrapped around my legs.

As hard as I tried to look away from him, my eyes kept finding there way back to his peacefully resting body. Blinking harshly, I watched as he soundlessly moved his hand around his torso, revealing a large, newly induced scar. My mouth suddenly grew dry, and – as he winced sleepily in pain from this movement – I found I wanted nothing more than to go over and gently try to heal him. Both his physical, and emotional pain.

_But he doesn't want you anymore_, I reminded myself thickly, tracing the edge of my mug with my finger. _And even if he did…you can't go down that road again._

A moan suddenly escaped Lupin's lips, and I sharpened my watch on him. As he quickly turned over on the couch, I realized he was waking up. I went stone cold, but I knew it was too late.

Remus hastily opened one eye, and saw me, emitting a low gasp of shock. He straightened up, his face deadly pale. "Nymphadora," he murmured, his lips barely moving.

I had twitched compulsively when he had first stirred, spilling my drink, but now I sat perfectly still. I was barely even breathing.

I blinked at him, hoping with all my heart that he could not read my thoughts or emotions.

He swallowed – loudly – and looked down, closing his eyes for a moment. "I didn't know you were going to be here tonight," he said quietly, and ever so gently, as if he said it with any more emotion I would just break down into tears right then and there.

I sighed, and looked carefully up at him. "I was evicted," I said simply, fighting off the urge to ask what _he _was doing here.

Lupin shifted, picking up the book on his lap and placing it on the table beside him.

"How can they do that?" he asked, his eyes truly sympathetic.

My heart rate practically went haywire, and I hastily put my empty coffee cup on the floor, and forgetting about the fact that my robes and jeans were now soaking wet and stained brown.

"I had five hours to get out. I didn't know. I haven't been home for a while."

"But what about your possessions?" His voice was not loud, nor strong, but it had a slightly determined tone to it. I closed my eyes for a moment and just let the sound ring in my ears for a few moments. I loved that voice.

"I don't have anything valuable. Even so, I have…" I suddenly trailed off, as I realized I had Jonathan's name on the tip of my tongue. I sighed, and shook my head. What was I doing? Having a conversation with Lupin was not a good idea.

I looked blankly over at a wall, and tried to ignore Lupin's inquisitive gaze. "OK," he said simply, standing up and letting his long, shabby robes fall to his feet.

Brushing himself off, he headed towards the door. Slowly, as he neared the door, he stopped, and turned. He looked at me calmly, though his eyes did seem slightly confused, as if he was waiting for me to say something.

"If you want me to go, I will. If…I was – I…" Lupin cut himself off, a slightly glazed and stony expression settling on his face.

"You were here first," I said flatly, and tightly hugged my knees, trying as hard as I could to concentrate on the fireplace.

"OK," he replied, and walked out of the room.

----

I tossed onto my side one more time, before I decided I wasn't going to get any sleep, and it pointless to try. I rolled tiredly off my bed and onto the ground and stretched my arms.

Hastily, I stood up, and started downstairs. I was hungry. And, conveniently, it was midnight.

I made it downstairs in two minutes flat, luckily managing to not trip over anything. Grimmauld Place usually held way to many obstacles for me.

I peered into the kitchen and was strangely not surprised to see Lupin. He was leaning sleepily on a counter, a small mug of something steamy in his hand.

Taking a deep breath, I trudged forward, ignoring the sudden coldness that had sprung up when I saw him, and my brain's desperate attempts to stop me.

Upon seeing my arrival, Lupin started, nearly spilling his drink.

I stiffened, but began to search the cupboards for a mug. "I couldn't sleep," I murmured, almost to reassure myself.

"Neither could I," he said, and quietly handed an empty mug over to me. "Here."

I blinked at it for a moment, before shakily taking it. My fingers tingled as I touched its cold surface, and I bit my lip. Slightly, I gave a nod, and stared now at the counter, trying to remember what I was about to do.

"I made hot chocolate," he whispered, after a moment's silence.

He nodded slowly towards the small pot behind him, and I switched my gaze over to the bubbling concoction.

"I used real chocolate," Lupin said quickly, almost nervously. I looked up at him, and from the look that fell across his face; I knew I must look pretty depressed.

I opened my mouth for a moment, before promptly shutting it. I couldn't believe I was about to ask this. Sighing, I tried again. "Could you just be my friend…for one night?"

Lupin looking down at me, his eyes shockingly understanding. "Of course," he murmured.

I closed my eyes for a second, and I nodded. I let my body fall forward onto Lupin, softly pulling him into an embrace.

He inhaled suddenly, his breath fluttery and unsure. My actions were obviously unexpected. In fact, I hadn't even realized I was about to do that until it was too late. I squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to free my mind of all thoughts. After a moment, I pulled away, looking firmly down at my shoes.

I could feel his eyes on me, and I was dangerously close to glancing up and saying something. Instead, I turned, and tried to exit the kitchen, an awful feeling suddenly settling in my stomach.

"Is that it?" asked Lupin from behind, but his voice was soft, not accusing.

I stopped immediately, letting his words sink in. "I can't do this, Lupin," I said, my tone cold.

Lupin paused for a moment, slowly contemplating the situation. For about a fraction of a second, I wanted to smile. I had loved when he did that. It was so _Remus_. "I never said that – I never said anything. But you said you needed a friend, for a night. That was barely anything. I'm not tired, and obviously neither are you, if you came down here in the middle of the night. We could…talk."

I slowly willed my body to turn and face him. We stared at each other, lost in our own thoughts, for over a minute. Soundlessly, I made my way over to him, and sat down on the cold linoleum floor.

As a ghost of a smile flickered across his face, he settled in and sat down next to me.

----

"Tonks! Wake up! Now!"

I gasped, and snapped my eyes open. Molly stood in front of me; her hands on my shoulders, and her face a ghastly white.

I blinked a few times, and rubbed my eyes hurriedly, trying to fully awaken myself. As my eyes started to focus normally, I looked around and found that I was on the floor of the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, my back against the counter and my shoulder leaning against Lupin, who was fast asleep beside me.

I let out a tiny squeak, only audible to me, and quickly recoiled from Lupin. I glanced nervously over at Molly, who didn't seem bothered by this at all. She was now desperately trying to wake Lupin.

"Wake up! Remus!" Molly sighed and began shaking him, but – as we all knew – Lupin was an extraordinarily deep sleeper.

Shaking slightly, I bit my tongue and carefully jabbed him in the side with my finger. Immediately he jolted awake and looked wildly around. Molly glanced at me curiously out of the corner of her eyes, and I looked determinedly at the ground.

"Molly? What is it?" Lupin asked carefully, as we tried expertly to avoid eye contact with each other.

Molly was almost hyperventilating now, and Lupin carefully laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There's – there's been a casualty," she stuttered finally, and for the first time I noticed that her cheeks were stained with tears.

I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes for a moment. _Please, no one be dead, please, no one be dead…_

"Yes?" Lupin prompted, seemingly as calm as ever.

"They've found Bill," she said quietly, her voice low.

My breath caught and my body slumped back against Lupin's. _They've found Bill. _Was he dead? Alive? Had he been injured? Was his life hanging on the line? A million questions suddenly rushed through my head.

I felt Lupin shift suddenly from beside me and I realized he was trying to get up. I blinked and slowly moved aside, noticing that Molly was no longer here. My eyes as wide as saucers, and my brain rapidly losing all train of thought, I turned to him.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

He was now on his feet, and was brushing himself on hurriedly. He turned slowly to me, his face solemn. "St. Mungo's," he said nonchalantly, accepting the fact that I had blanked out without another thought.

We rapidly began to walk down the empty halls, an eerie silence undertaking us. As we stumbled into the outside daylight, I soundlessly turned to him. "Is he dead?" I asked lowly.

Lupin tensed and slowly shook his head. "But…he's not doing well."

I nodded quickly and bit my lip hard to prevent it from shaking. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't.

Holding our breath simultaneously, we quickly Apparated to St. Mungo's.

----

We – meaning me, Mad-eye, Hestia and Lupin had been sitting in the waiting room for nearly three hours now. So far, only family had been allowed to see him, and that was big enough as it was.

The Healers said that the chances of him surviving were very slim – he had apparently taken a quite beating. We still didn't know what had happened to him. Molly had said that Charlie had banged open the door to the Burrow at around two o'clock in the morning, carrying an unconscious Bill on his back. He still wouldn't say what had happened exactly. He was completely traumatized by the whole thing.

"Coffee?"

I looked up. Lupin was standing over me, steaming hot cup in hand. I stared at it for a moment, before gingerly taking it from him with a quick nod.

To my shock, he carefully sat down next to me, looking paler then ever.

"He's not going to make it," I said quietly, taking a shaky sip.

Lupin turned to me, looking quite surprised and cross at the same time. "Why ever do you think that? Nymphadora, you –"

"Don't call me that," I said irritably, before I could stop myself. Lupin seemed quite taken aback. He blinked, twice, and settled back down in his chair, a quite unsettling look on his face.

"Bill will make it," he said calmly, after a moment. "He's strong, he's young…"

"He's not that strong," I said sharply, surprising myself by the sudden emotion of my words. "He's been gone for a _year_! Anything could have happened!"

My breath caught, and I hastily felt my eyes filling with tears. I blinked them harshly away, and looked up at the ceiling, biting my lip to contain it from shaking.

"Nympha – Tonks," said Lupin, his voice firm. Slightly surprised, I turned to him. His soft, brown – and currently determined eyes met mine, and I bit my lip even harder. "You have to hope. Try and think of the positives."

I scowled. "Oh, Merlin, Lupin, stop sounding like a bloody shrink! There are no positives! And isn't it better if we just face the _truth_?"

Lupin's eyes softened, and I felt bad, if only for a split second. "There is no truth," he said, quietly.

My voice died in my throat and my breath caught. I slumped back against him, and he carefully embraced me. I didn't cry but I tightly hugged him back, so hard I was afraid I was going to suffocate him.

Little did I know, however, three seats away from me, Moody and Hestia were watching our situation carefully, a different expression on each of their faces.

"It's happening all over again," growled Moody, but his voice and face didn't seem quite so gruff this time.

"They're such idiots!" huffed Hestia, her face set in a defined frown. "It just going to end badly again. And I don't see how Tonks will be able handle it, this time."

Moody scowled. "Tonks a strong lass," he said defensively. "She may not be all happy-go-lucky now, but she's still there underneath. She just doesn't want to get hurt again."

Moody cut off, and gave Hestia a sharp look. "That doesn't mean she's weak."

Hestia reddened, but did not back down. "Still – this is not going to end well."

Moody tightened his jaw, and leant back in his chair. "When does anything, anymore?"

----

A/N: Thanks to all the readers and reviewers…hope you're enjoyed it so far without getting -to- depressed. Next chapter might take a little longer to post, as it's proving extremely difficult to write…

_Comments? Concerns? Criticism? Review! _bd


	6. The Downside of Memories

_A/N: Another looonnnggg chapter. Longer than the last, actually, I think. Large portions in italics are FLASHBACKS. I just really don't like doing the whole -flashback-, -end flashback- thing. Oh, and sorry for the wait, had some muse problems. So - on with the angst!_

Chapter Six: The Downside of Memories

A young Healer, looking around twenty-five, appeared before us, a plastic grin stamped across her face.

"Good news," she cooed, her voice high and skin-crawlingly irritating. "Bill is doing _much_ better. You can go in two at a time to see him now."

Lupin and I both shifted uncomfortably in our chairs. We had barely spoken a word to each other in the last hour, as an uncomfortable yet familiar awkwardness had found it's way back between us.

What had I been thinking? I was getting too close to Lupin – again. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was staring placidly at the ground, and appeared to be deep in thought. Never a good sign – at least not at this time and place.

"Oh, I need to go in," whined Hestia, standing up abruptly. "I need to see how Charlie's doing!"

I scowled, and folded my arms over my chest. This was about seeing how _Bill_ was, not her boyfriend. Sure, I understood that Charlie might be having some emotional and physiological problems right now, but Bill was having some life and death ones. Besides, I didn't think _she_ would be much help. Fiancé or not – she was annoying.

"Sit down," commanded Moody, scowling maddeningly. "He'll be comin' out soon. Wait for him here. Someone who actually wants to see _Bill_ should go in."

Hestia frowned, while Moody regarded Lupin and I. We both remained silent, barely meeting the elderly Aurors eyes.

"I'll go," I said, but at the same time heard another voice chime the same thing. I inhaled sharply, and snuck a glance at Lupin, who had grown noticeably redder.

_Great. Just the thing to do when you _don't _want to get into a relationship with someone_, I thought, setting my jaw peevishly.

Moody rolled his good eye. "Go. Both of you," he grunted, leaning back onto his chair.

I got up shakily, and started towards the stairs, Lupin at my heels.

_Merlin, I hope Bill's OK_, I thought hastily, remembering vividly and suddenly the mistrustfulness of Healers.

I rounded the last staircase, and turned onto the hall, surprised to see that Lupin was still right behind me.

"First door to your left," said Lupin abruptly. I stopped in my tracks, as I had gone about two doors to far.

Lupin opened the door gingerly, and held it open for me. I walked steadily forward and my eyes boldly met his.

A million thoughts started to run through my head, as I let the effects of his deep brown eyes wash over me. Shaking myself quickly, I jumped into the doorway, nearly colliding head on with Fleur.

The young witch – who, at most times, only good point was her beauty, looked nothing like herself. Her pale, pointed face was drenched in tears, and her light blue eyes were glazed over and unfocused. Fleur's hair was tied into a messy braid, and she was clutching a handkerchief impulsively.

I glanced for a moment down at the small child by her heels and grimaced. The girl was shaking, and her small, green eyes were brimming with tears.

"Sorry," I mumbled, drawing my eyes back up to Fleur.

The part-Veela stared up at me, her face a blank.

"_Mamère_," whispered the small girl, tugging with one hand on her mothers robe, and the other on her own long, silvery hair. "I wanna go."

Fleur looked down at her daughter, her face masked in incomprehension. "All right, Lucille," she croaked, and quickly dragged her daughter into the hallway.

I took a deep breath, and trudged further into the room, hearing Lupin's defined footsteps following me in quickly.

My whole body froze, however, when I saw Bill's body lying motionless on the bed. His face was torn and bruised, and his eyes looked stitched shut.

He looked dead.

"I'll come back later," said Lupin suddenly from beside me, already turning to go. "You probably don't –"

"No." I said quickly, my eyes still on Bill's lifeless form. "I don't care."

Lupin stopped, and I slowly walked towards Bill's side. What could have happened…?

"I can't believe Fleur brought Lucille in here," I whispered, thinking back to the little girl's petrified face.

"He is her father," replied Lupin quietly.

"But she's two," I breathed, reaching out and grasping Bill's hand. It felt clammy and cool to me, and I quickly felt around his wrist for a pulse.

"How would you feel if you never got to meet your father?" Lupin replied harshly, and the force of his words startled me.

"This isn't about me," I said flatly, dropping Bill's hand and standing up, feeling surprisingly shaky.

Feeling Lupin's eyes on me, I grimaced and trudged past him, my eyes down.

_And it wasn't about us, either. _

----

After I left St. Mungo's that morning, I really did not know where else to go. No one would be at Grimmauld right now, and I apparently no longer had an apartment.

So, after about one second of Apparition, I found myself outside Jonathan's apartment, staring, open-mouthed, at the front door.

It was _open_.

Jonathan was a self-proclaimed neat freak. And no self-respecting neat freak would leave their door wide open in broad daylight (no less at nighttime, though). What if a gust of wind spontaneously blew in and messed everything up? To them, the possibilities are endless.

Cautiously, I made my way forward, squeaking closed a bit after I slipped through.

I could hear murmured voices coming from the living room. I stopped, drew my wand, and strained my ears.

All I could hear were a few unidentifiable 'yes', 'great' and 'good's. I bit my lip, and started down the hall, keeping my back to the wall.

Just as I neared the door, I managed to step onto the large, tabby cat that Jonathan insisted on keeping around. Dumb animal.

It hissed, bristled, and bounded away down the hall.

"Jonathan!" came an unfamiliar voice from the room. "I think there's someone out there!"

It was my turn to bristle, now. He had a _woman _in there. The son of a –

"Mother, I'm sure it's nothing. Let's get back to checkers. You were winning!"

I scowled, and ground my teeth loudly. He had his _mother_ in there. Oh, Merlin.

"No, there is something out there!" There was a long pause, before an astounding screech filled the air. "What did I raise you for? I thought keeping your mother _safe_ from potential _murderers_ might be important to you, but noo, you'd rather play –!"

"Fine! Mother, I'll go check, OK? OK…"

As his voice died off, I finally realized that _I_ was what he checking for, and that I had basically just broken into his apartment.

The door opened, and I froze, a dumbstruck look planted firmly on my face.

Jonathan stared at me for a few seconds, before blinking, running a hand through his curly brown hair and shutting the door.

"Sorry," I whispered to his back. "I didn't –"

"Tonks."

I immediately stopped talking and watched him slowly turn to face me. "Tonks," he began again, his voice low.

"Who is it, dear?" shrieked his mother from the living room. "Is it that darn cat again?"

"No, Mother," he yelled back, his jaw set determinedly. "I'm handling it, OK?"

After we heard her muffled 'OK', Jonathan turned back to me, his dull green eyes surprisingly piercing.

"I can't do this anymore."

I blinked at him. Really, all I did was break into his flat and upset his mother. No one was _this_ sensitive…

"Er – really, Jonathan, the front door was open, so –"

"No," Jonathan said firmly, his expression stony. "That doesn't matter. I…I've been meaning to do this for a while now."

He swallowed, and bit his lip nervously. I stared; do _what_?

"I – I think we should start seeing other people." As soon as the words escaped his mouth, he blanched, and looked off into space, leaving me to stare at him in bewilderment.

"Wait…what? Didn't you just say – _just a few days ago_ – that you wanted me to meet your mother? I mean, well, now I have, but, you know…" I abruptly cut myself off. I was rambling. I hadn't rambled in…forever.

Jonathan turned back to me, and for the first time ever I saw a bit of guilt in his glossy eyes. "I…" Jonathan paused, taking a deep breath, and then continued. "I've met someone else."

I stopped breathing for a moment. My chest suddenly felt compressed, and I looked around the small hallway wildly. _Why is this hurting? _I asked myself sharply. _He was only a passing fancy – if that. I never felt anything…I shouldn't be feeling anything now._

"It's just…you're so…distant," said Jonathan hurriedly, looking strangely panicky. "I wanted to get to know you…see what was under all that _depression_. But…" Jonathan looked unsteadily at me, his hands twitching in his pockets, "you just won't let me in. And…I guess you never will. Not after him."

I drew in a tight breath, and stared up at Jonathan. "What?" I breathed.

Jonathan bit his lip, hard. "You know who I mean, Tonks. I knew…as soon as I saw you two together, that I never had a chance…I mean, you'd still be with him if…" He stopped, and a thoughtful expression came across his face. "I don't even know what happened. But, Tonks, you _adored_ that guy."

I stiffened, and desperately tried to ignore my now ex-boyfriend's words. _The bastard._ He didn't even know what he was talking about…he didn't even know the half of it…

Soundlessly, I tried to brush past him, but he grabbed my arm forcefully.

"Get _off_!" I cried, trying to wriggle free.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hand still clasped tightly against my arm.

I struggled a bit more, then finally turned to him with a sigh of impatience and hurt. "Get off of me," I hissed again.

Jonathan eye's met mine, and I saw him hastily try to blink away unshed tears. "Ever since your mother introduced us, that day, I've liked you. Maybe even loved you. I'm not sure. But I also knew since that day that you were seriously hooked up on that guy. I…thought I could handle being second best."

Jonathan sighed, and then realized my arm gently. I stood frozen in place and watched Jonathan begin to turn towards his mother…and away from me.

I blinked quickly, my breath starting to become short and raspy, before shutting my eyes tightly and Apparating to Grimmauld Place.

Staggering instead, I felt body collapse against the floor. I drew in a shaky breath, and lay back against the stiff walls.

_The bastard…he breaks up with me, talks to me about Remus, and then tells me he might be in love with me…the bastard._

I shook my head, and stood up, a shiver running through my spine. _Why should I even care? Jonathan was nothing to me…_

I started up the stairs, my footsteps heavy, yet weak at the same time. _I would have never gotten together with him if Remus hadn't hurt me so bad._

I opened the door to my room, and immediately crouched down on the bed. _Even if he really _didn't_ mean anything to me, he still rejected me…just like everyone else._

At that thought, I grabbed my alarm clock from my bedside table and threw it angrily across the room. I watched silently as it crumbled into a million tiny pieces. It didn't bring me any satisfaction…it just made me angrier. And I hadn't felt angry in a very long time.

I lay my head carefully down on my knees, and realized suddenly that I was crying. _Crying._ I wiped a hot tear from my cheek, and examined it shakily. Everything was falling apart…I was letting everything fall apart…

Again.

_-_

"_I love weddings," I whispered over the thunderous music to Remus. "Don't you?"_

_Remus raised his eyebrows, and gave me a skeptical look. "I'm not going to fall for that one, Nymphadora."_

_I put a hand under my chin, and tried to look like a picture of innocence. "Why, Remus, I have no idea what you're on about." I smiled, and looked around the large garden, which Molly Weasley had so elegantly turned into a beautiful wedding reception. My eyes fell on Bill and Fleur, who were slow dancing together, her head on his shoulder. "They look so happy together…" I murmured. "I didn't actually think they'd go through with it, though."_

_Remus' eyes followed mine, and he furrowed his brow. "Why not?"_

_I glanced back at Remus, and smiled devilishly. "I basically grew up with Bill. Merlin, that kid was crazy. I really could never imagine him settling down." I paused, and looked back at the couple. "But now…"_

"_People change," answered Remus, after a moment's silence. "They have to."_

"_Well that," I said, boldly scooting my chair closer to Remus', "I can't disagree with. Just imagine if you had decided to be stubborn for the rest of your lonely life, and had never give 'us' a chance." I smiled, and batted my eyelashes dramatically. "Just look at what you would have been missing out on."_

_Remus lips twitched upwards for a moment, but he managed not to smile. I felt a surge of happiness flow through my person, and I rubbed my shivering arms gently. Just one small action, one small thing that was so _him_ could do so much to me…_

"_Nym?" _

_I turned, and my eyes met the unsure, black ones of my mother. She looked oddly pale, something I was about to ask her about, but, before I could, she smiled and addressed me again._

"_Nym! I'd like you to meet someone! This is Jonathan!"_

_My mother clapped her hands together, and moved to the side, unveiling a tall, dark man, who cast a flashy white smile in my direction._

_I blinked at him and then glared at my mother; suddenly wishing I had never invited her here. "Ah – Wotcher," I said hurriedly to the man, who was now sizing me up with his eyes. "Mum?"_

_She turned to me, her eyes glowing, and her face bright, almost illuminating the heavy lines that the years had etched in. _

_I didn't bat an eye, before saying, slowly and calmly. "Can I speak with for a moment? Alone?"_

_Before she could refuse, I turned to Remus, and smiled. "I'll be right back," I drawled, in my most seductive voice, one that only Remus could tell was forced._

_He raised an eyebrow at me, and then glanced momentarily at Jonathan. "Right," he murmured._

_Standing up shortly, I grabbed my mother's sleeve and dragged her a few feet away, conveniently hiding us behind an unfamiliar couple that happened to be presently snogging like mad. _

"_Are you crazy?" I exclaimed, which firmly wiped the smile off my mothers face. "What do you think you're doing, trying to get me with a bloke? Not only do I _have_ a boyfriend, but he was _sitting _right there! I – I mean, Merlin, Mum!"_

"_Nym…" my mother said quietly, her tone level and quite bluntly bored, "I wasn't trying to do anything. Jonathan just looked like a nice young man…"_

"_And you know who's also a nice young man, Mum? Remus Lupin. Maybe not as young as me, but…" I shook my head, trying to get back to the point. "I love him. And I thought that would be enough for you! But no – you're always getting me to meet some new brainless git you've pulled out of the wealthy-family, good looks dump!"_

_My mother's jaw dropped, and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt, which was quickly overcome by a strong sense of satisfaction. "Darling, I only want what's _best_ for you," my mother said crossly, with her nose stuck up in the air._

"_He _is _what's best for me," I cried, waving my arms wildly in the air. "He's made me a better person, Mum! I'm not just some confused little girl anymore! I'm a person! I'm me!"_

_My mother drew in an unsteady breath, and looked around at the crowd quickly, her pale face quickly colouring. _

_I followed my mother's gaze, and saw that people were beginning to stare. If anything, that only made me more irritated. _

"_So just stay out of my life," I said firmly, my voice low and dangerous._

_My mother pursed her lips, and said with a shaky tone, "You never knew what was best for you, Nymphadora. He'll hurt you, mark my words."_

_I stiffened, and tore my eyes from my mother's retreating back. She didn't know anything about Remus…how could she be so blunt…so accusing?_

_I walked slowly back over to my seat, and gratefully found that Jonathan had long since departed. I don't think I could handle that man right now._

_Remus looked pale, and I noticed with concern that his eyes were desperately avoiding mine. "Remus…" I started, leaning over to touch his forearm._

"_Nymphadora," he said, in an exhausted tone. He quickly moved his arm away before I could touch it. I slumped, feeling my heart do the same, while Remus sighed, and began again in a gentler tone. "Nymphadora…your mother…she's right…"_

_I drew in a sharp breath, and shook my head slowly. "Remus, don't take anything she said to heart. She – she just doesn't understand me and my decisions – no matter how good they've been. She's always been like that…"_

_But Remus remained unconvinced. "No, no – Nymphadora…she's right. This is…mad. I _could_ hurt you, I _could –"

"_Remus," I said gently, looking boldly into his deep eyes, "please…she…she didn't mean physically, anyways. She's – she's afraid you'll hurt me emotionally, that you'll break me…"_

_Remus swallowed, slowly and nervously. "I know," he said softly, and I felt a suffocating feeling suddenly engulf me. "And…maybe, she's right…"_

_-_

I inhaled shakily, and tried to shut the images out of my mind. _It had never_ _been the same after that. Remus was just…so hard to talk to. He was afraid…I knew that. And I knew he loved me…but, after that, I had started to wonder if my fairytale romance wasn't going to have a happy ending._

I looked around my cramped room and lay my head to side, so it was leaning against the wall. _But I had never thought it would turn out like this._

_-_

"_Er – Nymphadora?" _

"_Bugger off, Kingsley!" I shrieked, clamping my hands tightly around my case folder. Really – I mean, pestering me in the office was one thing, but following me home…he was really going too far. _

"_No, I'm…I'm sorry – I don't –"_

_Feeling quite annoyed, I snapped round and opened my mouth wide, about to spit out some nasty retort. Until – that is – I saw a face that was most certainly not Kingsley's._

_I reddened, and nervously brushed a few hairs out of my face. "Oh, Merlin, I am so sorry…I – I thought you were someone else…" I winced and looked apologetically into the young man's eyes. He seemed…somewhat familiar. He had shoulder length curly brown hair and piercing green eyes. I chewed on my lip as I tried to place him. "Again, I'm…really sorry…" I gave him one last sweeping look. "Er – do I know you from somewhere?"_

_He smiled, and extended his hand. "Yes, I do believe so. You're Nymphadora Tonks…if I am not very much mistaken?" Suspiciously, I grasped his hand and nodded. "I'm Jonathan Bradoven. Er – from the Weasley's wedding, last summer, I believe…"_

_My eyes brightened, and I gave a nod of realization. Riiight. He was the poor guy that my mother tried to set me up with and that I had berated down to the point of insanity. He really didn't look as…bad as I had thought at first glance. Now, if anything, he looked quite respectable._

"_Right. Yes. Well, er, nice to see you again," I said hesitantly, giving him a bubbly smile. "So – I'm guessing you know the Weasley's?"_

_Jonathan looked at me blankly for a moment, as though lost in thought. "What – oh! Yes. I do." He gave a devious smile. "Me and Bill Weasley go way back. We went to school together, actually."_

_I raised my eyebrows, and gave a half smile. "Really? Bill Weasley was only a few years ahead of me. I was in his brother, Charlie's, year."_

_Jonathan nodded slowly, and I noticed his eyes were glued to my hair, which was currently a striking turquoise colour. _

"_Do you charm it?" He asked quietly, still seemingly absorbed in it. He blushed, and quickly lowered his eyes down to mine. "Er – I mean, it was different at the wedding…purple, I think…"_

_I raised my eyebrows. He remembered my hair colour? That was over two months ago…I didn't even remember _him. _"Well, no, actually, I don't." I smiled, and scrunched up my face, imagining myself with raven-black curls. I opened my eyes, and took triumphant pleasure in seeing his shocked face. I laughed. "I'm a metamorphmagus," I explained._

"_Wow." He said, shaking his head slightly. "They're really rare." His already reddened face became an even deeper red, and I bite back the urge to laugh. "Er – um, I meant, I _mean, _you're really rare, or wait, no…er, metamorphmagus, in general, are rare…they-they're really hard to come by – or, I mean, hard to be…or…" Jonathan cut himself off, and amazed to see that his face had almost become as dark as his deep scarlet sweater._

_I smiled knowingly, and waved my arm, dismissing the matter. "Really, I get it…if I was still insulted by that kind of stuff…" Jonathan looked slightly reassured, and I felt it was OK now to let out a laugh._

_Jonathan smiled, and looked unsurely down at his hands. "I – er – I was just wondering…if you…if you'd like to maybe go…get a drink or something, sometime?" He bit his lip, and gave me a wary look._

_I blinked, and drew in a cautious breath. "I…" I looked at him sympathetically, and I tried to ignore his already crumpling face. "I'm really sorry, I can't. I…I'm seeing someone right now. And…well, yeah." _

_Jonathan seemed disappointed, but he nodded in understanding. "Yeah…that guy you were with at the wedding, right?"_

_I opened my mouth to ask how he remembered that so well, but quickly though better of it. "Yeah…" I said, breaking off as my thoughts went dreamily over to Remus. _

_Jonathan studied me for a moment, before nodding. "I…uh, I should get going."_

_My eyes snapped back over to Jonathan. "Oh. Yeah. Right. I should get going too," I said quickly. _

"_I'll…see you," he said, beginning to turn away._

"_Er – yeah. Nice to meet you," I called, hoping he caught it as he Apparated._

_With a small smile, I turned, and jumped down off the curb. Looking quickly around to check for traffic, I sprinted across the road, a sense of bubbly excitement beginning to take over my person. Jonathan, though unknown to him, had reminded me of something that practically made my toes curl with anticipation. _

_He was coming home today._

_Nearly breathless, I fiddled in my pocket for my apartment key. Grasping it tightly, I shoved into the lock._

_Click._

_I swung open the door and bounded in. _

"_Nymphadora?" _

_My breath caught, and I turned towards the sound of his voice._

_Beside me, I could see the shadowy figure of Remus Lupin, half-smiling down at me with a slender hand clasped tightly over his right shoulder._

_I sized him up quickly, but in my mind I already knew what had happened. "They attacked you?" I said quietly, sauntering over to him. Before he could answer, I gently pried his hand from his shoulder. It was dripping in dark blood. Biting my lip to restrain it from shaking, I observed his shoulder. His shirt was ripped, and a large wound covered nearly everywhere from upper arm to neck._

"_It's not as bad as it looks," he whispered, and I noticed his voice sounded strangely hoarse._

_I looked up at his face, and I could see another huge dash down his left cheek, cutting off just before his nose. His lip was badly swollen, and one of his eyes was black. The other seemed red and puffy, and I wondered painfully if he had been crying._

"_We have to get you to St. Mungo's," I said croakily, and realized – as I wiped my cheek quickly – that _I _was crying._

_Remus drew in a shaky breath, and slowly shook his head, as though it were painful. "No…I'm fine. You don't need –"_

"_Stop it!" I cried, in a shuddering voice. "No, Remus, no. You never let anyone take care of you." I sighed, "And these are cursed bites…"_

"_I'm _already_ a werewolf," he said flatly, and moved his hand as if to put it back on his cut, but then at the last minute thought better of it. _

_He's too damn stubborn for his own good, I thought, quickly ripping off a piece of my t-shirt. I tenderly placed it on his cut, applying only the needed pressure._

"_Keep that there," I said sternly, and went off into the kitchen. I grabbed a bowl, and poured it about half full of water. Finally glad that I had been somewhat gifted in Potions, I quickly made a healing potion almost as good as one made by Madam Pomfrey herself. _

_When I returned to Remus, he had settled himself on the armrest of the sofa, and seemed almost frozen in place._

"_Move," I said, and he made to stand up. "No. Onto the sofa." Remus gave me an almost worrisome look before gingerly lying down._

_Ignoring my pounding heart, I carefully began dabbing his wound with the potion. He winced slightly, but otherwise made no indication he was in pain. _

_Shaking, I slowly applied pressure once more, letting the potion soak into his wound. Remus quickly inhaled, and made to sit up, but I put a hand over his chest to stop him._

"_Stop," I murmured, lifting the bloodied rag off of his shoulder for a moment. Our eyes met, and my heart sped up a few paces, if possible. A guilty look was resting in his eyes – a look I knew only too well._

"_Remus…" I began, burying his hand in mine._

_He shook me off gently. "Look at me, Nymphadora. All I'm doing is holding you down. You deserve so much better than me…" He stopped, as if he could hear the insincerity of his own words. _

_Feeling tears threatening to fall once more, I quickly brought a quivering hand up to his pale face. "I don't care, Remus," I stuttered, leaning closer to him. "What you have to offer…that's all I want. You." Slowly, my lips met his, and I could feel the fiery passion between us heighten._

_After a moment, I broke our kiss. "Can't you feel that?" I said quietly._

_Remus observed me quickly, and then looked down at his arm. "I'm sorry," he murmured._

_I blinked at him, and then stared up at the ceiling, before slowly getting back to his wound._

_-_

I could feel tears again begin fall down my sallow cheeks. I put my hand gingerly up to my face, and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. _I had to stop thinking…_

_Bam._

My stomach rose to my throat, and back down again. _The front door. _Someone was here.

Soon enough, I could hear voices break the long silence.

"Brr. It's freezing in here, don't you think?"

There was a small pause before the same feminine voice spoke. "Charlie, you're to have to talk to me sooner or later. I took you here so you wouldn't have to be around your brothers for tonight, but you still can't –"

"Mum, I just…I don't – I _can't_ – talk about it."

"Why not? Dear, please, you need to try…for your brother's sake…"

The house was silent once more before Charlie broke the silence with a very low, shaky voice. "I don't see how it will help him now."

My blood ran cold, and wondered if it really was too late…if he was already gone…

"_Charlie Weasley_. Bill _is _going to get through this, but not if you talk like that. Now, you need to me what happened." There was some uncomfortable shuffling, before I heard Molly speak again. "Charlie. I need to know."

"I…I don't know where to start."

This unsure, nervous Charlie was beginning to worry me. The Charlie I knew was outgoing, bold, rowdy and brave. What if he never got past this?

"How? How and where did you find him?"

"At – at work. I heard some of the blokes…the nasty crowd, I mean, the ones that McGonagall's got me keeping an eye on…they were talking about him. They were saying that one of Voldemort's Death Eaters has got a redhead from the Order, and that they've been torturing him for about a year now…and that he won't give up anything. Then…then I waited 'til they said where and…and then I attacked them…'_Stupefy'_…and then told my mate, Heckle, to make sure none of them woke up. Then I sent a letter to McGonagall…telling her I got them." Charlie stopped, and I could tell from the intensity of his voice that he was close to tears. "Then I went. And…and, I found him."

Molly sighed. "Where…was it?"

"Calais," he replied quietly.

_Calais. _The site of the Dementor attacks…it must have been a Death Eater get together spot for the last year or so. They've probably been setting them on children for a few drunken laughs.

My jaw tightened, and I tried to push some of the nastier mental images from my mind.

"OK…" I heard Molly say, and I found her tone of voice surprising. She seemed so scared. So vulnerable. "Charlie…Charlie, what did they do? What curses…what…"

But for this Charlie remained silent. Molly sighed in exasperation, and I supposed that he had shaken his head.

"Well…" she started. "Who? Who did it?"

For this, however, Charlie wasted no time. "Peter Pettigrew," he said simply.

----

_A/N: Mwahaha! Hope you enjoyed that! Please R&**R**!_


	7. Actions and Consequences

_A/N: Sorry for the wait, everyone. Note - this chapter contains **heavy drinking**, so be warned. Otherwise, enjoy!_

Chapter Seven: Actions and Consequences

"Thank you…thank you so much for taking 'er…I just 'ave to see Bill…and she didn't seem to take to seeing 'er _père_ last time…" Fleur sighed heavily, and wiped her reddened eyes. She slipped the sleeping child into my arms and managed a weak smile. "She will be alarmed when she wakes up," she said softly, checking her watch. "Just give 'er a bottle and read aloud. That tends to 'elp."

"We'll be fine," I said, mesmerized for a moment, just looking sadly down at the peacefully resting child.

"Right," said Fleur, and to my surprise began to sniffle. I slid the child over onto my hip, and looked carefully at the woman.

"Oh…Fleur…he'll be fine…I know it…" I said awkwardly, my remarkable powers of comforting and reassurance long gone.

"No, no, _non_," she snapped quickly, but in no way harsh. She sighed, wiped her wet cheeks, and began again. "It's just Lucille…I 'ave never left 'er before…"

"Oh." Chewing on my lip, I searched my brain for something even _partially_ intelligent and soothing I could say.

"It's not just leaving 'er alone…" Fleur went on, translating my awkward silence as welcoming. "I know she'll be fine, I know she will. But…I just do not know if _I _can leave 'er." Fleur swallowed heavily, and looked off into the distance. "She was the last thing I had…"

Without my brain processing a single movement, I leaned forward and gave the thin woman a gentle hug. After a few moments, as her and I both got over the shock of the sudden gesture, I felt Fleur begin to give me a hug back.

Slowly, I pulled away, a faint look of understanding of my face. "You'll be OK," I said quietly.

Nodding as though if she stopped moving for a moment she would she burst into tears, Fleur turned to go. "I'll be back around noon," she added hastily, and I nodded.

Closing the door with a slight '_snap_', I let out a sigh. For a moment I tried to remember why I had agreed to take the girl today. Everything had been so hectic yesterday…the Order meeting, having to deal with McGonagall and worse yet – having to deal with Lupin.

"_In light of recent events," McGonagall had sent a knowing glance to Molly and Charlie, "I have to announce that the supposedly 'inconclusive' mission to Calais regarding Dementor attacks is back on." Minerva paused, with a defined sigh, and straightened her cat-like glasses. "For a different reason altogether though, I'm afraid."_

_Lupin had furrowed his brow at this, and Hestia quickly plummeted her hand into the air, causing a few people to sigh, and a few others to actually roll their eyes._

_McGonagall regarded her patronizingly. "Yes?"_

"_What do you mean 'for a different reason altogether?"_

_I bit my lip viciously, and looked out of the corner of my eye at Lupin. He wasn't going to like this. _

I sighed, and shook my head. _Peter Pettigrew_. How the whole Order had tensed at the slight mention of his disgusting name. Especially Lupin. He hadn't been overly excited at the aspect of going back to Calais in the first place, but he had looked ready to kill when the miserable traitors' name had been mentioned. He had tensed, and paled more than a few shades.

"_So…" Lupin tediously spoke up, and tons of nervous eyes flooded to him. "He's…behind all this?"_

_Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Molly Weasley's eyebrows practically shoot up into her hairline. No doubt she was more than surprised at the calm and ease of Lupin's tone. If it had not been him, we would all probably be seriously worried. _

"_It seems so," said Minerva, glancing nervously at Lupin. Slowly, she sighed. "Remus," she began, in a much lighter tone of voice. "If you…"_

"_I'm fine," he said, his voice flat but firm. "Really, Minerva."_

_She nodded, and turned back to the rest of us._

If only Sirius had been there, I thought suddenly. He would have been furious. _More _then furious, actually. He would have been out-of-control – and no doubt, Lupin would have had to calm him down.

_That held them together._

What did he have now? Nothing. He had nothing. The last of his friends was gone…the glue that held the aging werewolf from living, alone and weakening, on the streets.

Desperately, almost in panic, I tried to think of what now kept him together. Then, foolishly, I remembered. Me. Or, at least, for a while.

Feeling guilt chewing away at me once again, I tried to draw my mind away from the image of the sensitive werewolf I had once fallen too hard for.

_It was his fault_, I heard myself thinking distantly. _He let it all go to waste…_

"_Mamère_." I looked up, startled. My eyes found the slumbering body of Lucille, and I let out a small sigh.

"_Mamère_." She murmured again, curling her tiny fingers into a ball. Her eyes were shut tightly, and I wondered if she was having a nightmare.

I straightened up and stalked towards the living room, putting the baby gently down on the couch, a wall of reinforced pillows blocking the edge.

For a moment, I watched her tiny body ease into the slump of the couch, a small frown on her face.

I soundlessly stood up and walked slowly toward the kitchen, pouring myself a careful cup of coffee.

I had only been away for a moment before I heard a small cry break the eerie silence I had placed myself in.

Quickly, I put down my coffee and hurried into the other room. Lucille was sitting up on the couch, her hands on her lap and her lips set in a defined pout. Relieved that she had not fallen, I moved slowly towards her, picking her up and swinging her onto my hip in one swift moment.

"Shhh," I cooed, trying to settle her by smiling. In all, it only made her pout more.

Sighing, I began slowly smoothing over her hair. The child giggled and began to drool happily on my robes.

"There." I said, feeling almost giddy at my small success. "Now – there's not much to do here, is there?" Lucille looked around, as though actually pondering my question, before turning back to me, her dark green eyes huge.

"No," I smiled. "So – what d'you fancy going for a walk?"

Lucille giggled, and clasped her tiny fists onto my robes.

"OK. Let me go get my coat, then." I put her back down on the couch, and grabbed a light windbreaker to put over my robes. And for once, I really didn't care how silly I looked.

Lucille clapped her hands together as I picked her up, and started towards the door. While I bundled her tightly into about three thick layers, she looked up at me, almost sadly.

"Where _mamère_?" she asked, her voice muffled from the furry scarf covering half of her face.

The child's gaze was so innocent, so trusting, so curious. What could I tell her? I doubt, in reality, that she would really understand – she was barely two. Still, lying felt wrong. But the truth was harder. It was always harder.

"She's visiting a friend," I said, my voice low, and my eyes glued to the sleeve of her bright purple jacket.

"Who?" she piped up, interest sparking in those giant green eyes.

"Someone…" I broke off, frowning sadly down at the floor. "Someone you'll hopefully get to know very well very soon."

At that, the child giggled, grasped my hand, and turned towards the door.

"Right," I rasped, realizing that my vision was now blurred from unshed tears. "Let's go."

----

With a wriggling and restless baby in my arms, I tried desperately to push open the door to Grimmauld Place.

"Ugh," I spat, as Lucille tried playfully to shove her fist into my mouth. "Hold on…hold on…"

_Click._

I breathed a loud sigh of relief as the doors quickly burst open. With my foot, I shut them behind me, and dragged Lucille and myself off into the living room.

"_Mamère_?" she said loudly, for about the tenth time today.

Sighing, I shook my head.

As soon as I saw the child's face begin to crumble, I ran into the kitchen, and hastily searched the cupboards for her bottle. Finding it, I grabbed the base, and magicked in the milk.

Though that only took a moment, it took about five to finally manage to stumble back towards the living room – being as my feet had decided to give way and send me flying down onto the cold linoleum. Lucky thing those bottles are made of hard plastic.

"I – er – it's OK…" I heard a man's voice say nervously. At that very moment, I felt my body freeze. A man? With Lucille?

My blood began to boil and I felt a wave of red-hot anger pass through me. Without another thought, I whipped out my wand and charged.

"I don't know who you are, but b –!" My voice trailed off weakly as I got my first glance at the man standing in front of me. "Oh, da –" I started, warily eyeing Lucille.

Walking slowly forward, my face twisted into what I hoped was an apologetic manner; I picked up the intrigued baby.

"Er – I'm sorry," began Lupin hastily, rubbing his arm in a fervent manner.

With my embarrassment only increasing, I shook my head. "No. Oh, Merlin, it's me. I am such a twit. I thought…" I paused, and slowly gave the bottle to Lucille. "I should have known that no one not in the Order would be here. It's just…" Again, I paused. I couldn't find the right words. I could barely even understand what I _had _been thinking.

"Maternal instinct?" tried Lupin, hiding a subtle smirk.

I glanced up at him sharply. "She's not mine," I said quickly.

Lupin looked mildly bewildered. His face reddened, and he rapidly tried to redeem himself. "Yes. But you…you sure seem to know how to calm her."

I raised an eyebrow. Me? I was the most un-maternal person I could think off. Molly Weasley was maternal. Even Fleur could be somewhat maternal. But me?

"Beginners luck," I said offhandedly.

Lupin smiled slightly, and I could see his eyes travel up to my hair. He reddened, and looked back down at me. "Er –" he began, rubbing his arm nervously again.

My hands flew to my hair, and immediately I felt heat rising to my cheeks. Drawing a strand of my suddenly spiked hair, I winced. It was flaming red.

"Does that sometimes when I'm highly emotional," I murmured, though we both knew there was really no explanation needed. We had been here before.

Lupin drew his eyes boldly up to mine, and I felt my heart begin to pound loudly. "What are you doing here?" I suddenly blurted. Shaking my head as I realized how blunt that sounded, I tried again. "I mean…I though everyone was out for the afternoon."

Lupin shrugged. "I have no where else to go."

"Mhmm." I glanced down at the wide-eyed baby in my arms, and saw she had finished her bottle.

Gently, I took the bottle from her, and moved her quickly over to my shoulder, patting her back slowly.

"See?" I looked up and saw Lupin looking reproachfully at me. "You're wonderful with her."

"She's an outgoing little thing," I murmured, drawing my eyes away from him.

"I could never do that," he said, gesturing to our current position.

"Sure." I lowered my voice, hoping that for once his heightened senses would fail him.

"You seem to know how to do everything…I've never even seen –"

"Will you _stop_?" I said lowly, but firmly, my eyes hardening on the dull wooden floor. "Can't you see I'm not fishing for any compliments?"

Lupin tensed, but didn't back down. "I'm not trying to give you any."

My eyes watered, almost from agony. Slowly, I sized him up, my gaze piercing. "Then what _are_ you trying to do?"

Lupin's expression suddenly softened and his eyes fell from mine to the floor.

From a short distance away, we both heard a door slam shut. "Lucille? Tonks?"

_Fleur._

"_Mamère_!" cried Lucille, her small face breaking into a smile.

"Lucille!" came the equally eager reply. "_Mon enfant_!"

Lupin and I exchanged sudden glances. "I'll go," he said swiftly, and began to move away.

I opened my mouth, fighting the impulse to speak. It was not only tempting, but also it also felt necessary. I think everything had just gone from bad to worse.

But, as Fleur sped through the door, a hasty look of anticipation on her face, I just shut my mouth and turned away.

----

_Just one more…_

I fingered the near-empty bottle of Firewhiskey in front of me, and tossed it off into the growing pile on the floor.

_It can't hurt…_

My head was already pounding, and I knew it would ten times worse when morning came round. Still, I didn't care. I was starting to forget. It was working.

Now smiling dreamingly, I pawned around for another one, in the tiny liquor cabinet beside me.

_There._

With small difficulty, I popped the lid off, and took a long, relived sip. The pain was lifting. I could barely remember anything. _Good. _This was always better.

Once, when I had been like this one late night, Molly had come home unexpectedly and caught me. She was, of course, outraged. I couldn't remember much, really, just her screaming that I was I needed help. She calmed down eventually, though, and dragged me to bed. The next day I could barely face her. You would think she would have nagged me endlessly about it. But she didn't. I think she realized that this wasn't an overly regular thing. Just when I needed it. And I needed it now.

Taking a lingering last sip, I threw the bottle from me. _There_. _I'm done_.

But, instead of feeling my feet begin to drag myself to bed, I felt cold, wet tears begin to run down my face.

I brushed them away thickly, a confused sensation setting in. _Why am I crying? I shouldn't be crying…there's nothing to cry about…_

But still, tears kept falling. _Stop! If I can't remember, what is there to cry about?_

Drawing in a slow, shaky breath, I finally controlled my hysterics. _Good._

But before I could move, I heard the front door slam shut. _Loudly_.

"Hello?"

_Charlie._

"Dammit," I mumbled, placing my head in my hands.

"Hello?" His footsteps were getting louder. "Anyone?"

I groaned, and swung around in my chair, clumsily getting to my feet.

The door swung open. "He – Tonks?"

"Charlie." I winced internally as I felt myself start to giggle.

Charlie's eyes opened wide. "Are you…drunk?"

I blinked, and smiled. "Um…"

"Oh, Merlin, Tonks…" Charlie looked nervous, and carefully moved closer to me. He spied the pile of empty bottles, and winced. "What are you doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I'm not gonna tell you, am I?" I slurred.

Charlie blinked at me. "Tonks, you should go to bed."

"You're not my mother," I said quietly, my eyes shining.

"No…" Charlie started, nearing me wearily. "But I think I know what's best for you right now."

"What's _up_ with you?" I said almost angrily. "What are you suddenly so different? Just after Bill…I mean he's gonna be _fine_, I'm sure. Any other time, you…you'd smiled and joined me."

Charlie stared at me, his expression unreadable. "But this isn't any other time, is it?" His expression softened, and I almost saw pity flash beneath those deep eyes. "You're hurting Tonks. You're not over him."

"Ah!" I folded my arms over my chest. "Why is _everyone_ saying that? I'm fine! I'm fine!" My eyes glistened mischievously, and I staggered towards the muscular redhead standing in front of me. "I…I actually…" I lifted my hand slowly up to his chin, and smiled. Without any other warning, or any other thought, I shut my eyes tightly, and pressed my lips to his.

_----_

_A/N: Please review! _

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_-presses the button-_


	8. There Goes My Sanity Pt 1

Chapter Eight: There Goes My Sanity, Pt. 1

As soon as I woke up that morning, I knew something was wrong. I could sense it.

And, in now less than five seconds, I spotted just exactly what it was.

_Charlie Weasley was lying beside me._

I let out a scream, and jumped off of the couch and onto the ground. "What the hell!" I screeched at his slowly awakening body.

He blinked at me, and then sleepily rubbed his eyes. He sat up straighter, and I could see he was _shirtless. _Holy _shit_. What the _hell_ had happened?

"What…" I rasped, my voice quickly trailing off. Charlie was _laughing._ Actually, he was giggling. Like a little schoolgirl. I could practically feel steam pouring out of my ears. _What was so funny about _this

"Tonks…" he started, rolling off of the bed, and sitting down beside me on the floor. I stared blankly at his bare feet. "Nothing happened."

"But…why…" I paused, and felt my heavy head at it pounded with pain. _I must have been drinking…_

"You…er…" He looked down at me uncertainly before continuing. "You were a little out of sorts. You…kissed me…" Charlie blushed, and I could feel heat rising to my own cheeks. Merlin, I was such an _idiot_… "And, well, then passed out. I didn't really want to leave you here, so…"

"Argh!" I groaned, and put my head in my hands. "Charlie…I am really, really, really sorry. Really…I just…er…."

I lifted my head from my hands, and my eyes met Charlie's laughing hazel ones. I shot him a sarcastic-annoyed look and he kicked me softly with his toes. I crossed my arms over my chest, and slapped him playfully on the arm. "You loser," I mumbled.

Charlie grinned roguishly, grabbed a pillow, and flung it at my face. I choked down at fit of laughter as I pummeled it back at him, somehow tackling him over in the process. Now, as I lay giggling on top of him, Charlie finally spoke seriously. "Why can't it be like this all time, anymore?"

My brief feelings of happiness faded, and rolled off him onto the ground. "Charlie…" I started, my voice low.

"No, Tonks," he said, half cross, half sad. He peered at me sadly, his huge eyes delivering the perfect pitiful puppy-dog look. "It used to be so wonderful…we'd always do silly stuff…just act like complete fools and have a great time doing it. Now, everything's changed…"

"Charlie, we've had to change. What with the war…" I was trying to be sympathetic to him. Really. He deserved my sympathy. But I really didn't know if I could handle talking about this…it just wasn't the right time.

Charlie shook his head, tousling his red hair messily in front of his face. I felt myself unwillingly smile, and I suddenly realized why he had been such a lady's man in Hogwarts. I saw Charlie's eyes wander down to my lips, and I saw his own smile light up his face. "See? There we go…" he murmured, nodding down at me. "A _smile_. Your smile." I blushed slightly, and Charlie sighed. "And it's not just that, Tonks. Everybody's _changed_. But you…you're a different person altogether." My head suddenly felt ten tons heavily, and I wearily lifted a hand to support it. _I wish he would stop…_"I miss you. We all miss you…"

"Don't you think I know that?" I said sharply, my eyes tearing holes in his. "I know, I've changed, but damn it, I've had to! I can't be the old Tonks anymore, Charlie! She was too naïve, too open, too…easy to hurt…" My eyes watered, and I blinked furiously. _Stop it! _I'm supposed to be angry…I can't let Charlie see me cry.

And suddenly, I felt a strong pair of arms surround me. Gulping back the heavy lump in my throat, I returned the hug, pulling Charlie close to me. At that moment, I knew I couldn't last longer without this. I needed someone. I needed _anyone_. I couldn't keep blocking everyone out.

But I couldn't let myself be hurt anymore, either…

"Er –" I abruptly pulled away, and stared down at the ground. "I have to get to work," I half-lied, standing up quickly.

"Tonks…" I ignored his almost pleading voice, and ran for the door. "Tonks! Please…"

Maybe if I could just get away from everything, I wouldn't need anything.

----

_OK, socks – check. Shirts – check. Coat – damn._ I looked wildly around my small room. There was always something…

"Tonks, can I come in?" I heard Ginny's voice call from the other side of the door.

I sighed, and quickly opened the door for her.

"Thanks," she said, giving me a small smile.

We stood, staring in uncomfortable silence, before Ginny suddenly collapsed down in tears on my bed. "I'm sorry!" she wailed, her words muffled from her large sobs. "I-I-I didn't know w-who else t-to c-come to! Her-her-hermione wouldn't understand and-and Mum – Mum w-would just fr-freak out!" She gulped, and set her head down in her hands, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

I blinked. _Whoa. _I crouched down to her level, and put a gentle hand on her back. "Ginny?"

"I'm pregnant!" she squealed, turning her tear-soaked face toward me, and crossing her hands on her lap. "I-I don't know what to do Tonks, I just don't!"

My mouth nearly fell open in shock. Ginny – who would barely be a legal adult now, was _pregnant._ "Ah – is it – does – er – Harry?" Was all I could stammer out. I winced internally. I sounded pathetic.

"Yes, it's his," said Ginny quickly, almost impatiently. She looked up at the ceiling, and a final tear streaked down her face. "And no, he doesn't know."

"Are you in contact with him?" I asked quietly, as Ginny hastily rubbed her cheeks dry.

"Er – " Ginny sighed, and bit her lip to prevent it from shaking. "N-not really. Sort of, I mean…I duno where he is…b-but sometimes, he owls me…" Ginny's voice dropped to almost a whisper, "and comes to see me…" Ginny inhaled sharply, and tapped her fingers loudly on the bedpost. "But I can't tell him, Tonks…"

I sighed, "Why not?"

"He's in the midst of a war with _V-V-oldemort_," her voice dropping dramatically. My eyes opened wide. I had never heard Ginny say his name before. I felt almost embarrassed, suddenly. Here I was, nearly twenty-seven, and I couldn't even bare to _think_ about saying it.

_You did, once…after you had heard Remus use it so much…_

I icily brushed off my thoughts, and turned my attention back to Ginny. "True, but still…" I looked at her gently. "How can you keep this from him?"

Ginny blinked away a few tears, and stopped her tapping abruptly. "I'll get rid of it," she said finally, and a pained expression came over her face as she spoke.

Suddenly, a resounding _BANG_ interrupted our conversation, and I saw the form of two angry red heads tumble through the now totally dilapidated door.

"I'm going to _murder _him!" roared Fred, standing up quickly, and glaring at Ginny. "I am going to _murder Harry Potter_!"

Charlie looked just as livid. "What the _hell_ was he thinking? You're seventeen, Ginny!" Charlie's face reddened a few shades. "_I_ am going to kill Harry Potter!"

Ginny's face had paled a great deal of shades, and she had the expression on her face like she wasn't sure rather she wanted to start crying, or hex her brothers into oblivion.

"Why the _hell_ are you _listening in on my conversations_?" she whispered dangerously, her flashing. I bit my lip. I guess she decided on anger…

Ginny jumped from the bed, whipped towards her brothers and grabbed the thin red cords still in their ears. She tugged them forcefully out and both men let out a wince of pain. "_I _am going to murder both of _you_!"

The men looked, appropriately, scared now. "Ginny," tried Fred, coming closer and trying to rest a gentle hand on her shoulder. She threw it off, and glared at him.

"We only want what's best for you," said Charlie.

"Yes, we always have," added Fred, nodding along.

"And, now look! All our hard work has gone to waste!" said Charlie, his temper flaring once more.

"Because of _Harry Bloody Potter_!" snarled Fred, clenching his fists.

"It's not Harry's fault!" screeched Ginny, stomping her foot loudly on the ground, once more gathering their bewildered attention. "It was an _accident_, alright? And stop talking like I'm one of your silly experiments! I am my own person, and I make my own decisions!"

"And look how that's turned out," muttered Fred, arms folded.

"Shut _up_!" yelped Ginny, her face now as red as her hair. And this time, for once, the men looked slightly apologetic. "I have options, you know!" My breath caught, as I heard her voice begin to break. "I…I can…" Her eyes teared up, and she fled from the room, leaving her brothers to stare in bewilderment at me.

"Tonks…you have got to help her," whispered Charlie.

"We're her brother's…we don't know this…we can't talk to her about this…" Fred added, looking almost mournful.

"She has to talk to Harry," I said finally, after seeing the men might finally be able to contain their tempers.

"Why does he have to know?" snapped Fred quickly.

"For starters, he's the father," I snapped back, becoming suddenly protective of Ginny's feelings. "He has a right, regardless of whatever Ginny decides."

Both their faces fell. "This is such a mess," murmured Charlie, running a hand through his hair, messing it up even more.

Fred looked pensively up at the ceiling, then down at my bed. "Where're you going?"

Charlie and I both blinked at him, surprised by this sudden subject change. "Er – Calais." I answered slowly. "I've been sent back on the mission."

Fred nodded. "Right."

Charlie quickly glanced from me to his brother. "We should probably go," he said to Fred.

"OK," I answered, turning back to my bed. "Wait!" I said suddenly, spinning back to face them. "You…you guys can't tell anyone."

They blinked. "Yeah…OK," said Fred finally, and I knew (though they dreaded to admit it) that it was a painful sacrifice to keep anything from their mother.

Watching them rapidly exit, I sighed, and flopped down on the bed. _The fun just keeps coming and coming…_

----

A/N: Argh! Yes, I'm sorry about the shortness…I have no excuse, except that I had no muse to work with in this chapter. It seems to have left me. Temporarily, I hope. Pt. 2 to this chapter will hopefully be posted soon. Also, after this next chapter or so I will be moving on to basically ALL LUPIN/TONKS WORKING IT OUT/TRYING TO GET ALONG magic. After all, it's not a romance fic for nothing ; ) Oh, and if Charlie seemed a little out of place in the second part of this chapter it's because he…well…is. Originally I had hoped to have George in that sequence…but, well, he IS a little preoccupied at the time, isn't he? ) Please review, my faithful readers! 


	9. There Goes My Sanity Pt 2

_A/N: Sorry I've taken so long to update...had serious writers block! Anyways, here's a double posting:) Oh, and the beginning part of this chapter is a **flashback.**_

Chapter Nine: There Goes My Sanity, Pt. 2

"_I'm sorry, Tonks…" he whispered, his deep eyes boring holes into her skin._

_The girl flinched, and drew her eyes down to her shoes. "Remus. It can't be over. It just can't…" She choked on her words and stopped, feeling her short, spiky hair slide over he shoulders in tousles of mousy brown. "You at least have to give me a reason."_

_Now it was the mans turn to flinch, and he drew his own eyes to the floor, mostly because he dared not let on that heavy tears were now blurring his vision. "I can't."_

"_Fuck this, Remus," she rasped, though her eyes were still dry, and glaring angrily at the man. "Fuck this. We're meant to be, and you damn well know it."_

"_Don't make this difficult," the man said quickly, but winced after the words left his mouth, as though immediately regretting them._

_The girl stiffened, her lips curving into a maddening scowl. "For you, or for me?"_

_The man shook his head. "For both of us…Nymphadora…"_

"_DON'T fucking call me that!" she screeched, turning her head sharply away from him, which flicked her tangled tawny hair against his cheeks. _

_The man stepped back, his longish hair falling in front of his eyes. "I'm sorry."_

_The girl turned back, her small body quivering. With wide eyes, she stared at him hopelessly. "It's over," she murmured, in such a way in wasn't a statement, but it wasn't a question either._

"_Yes," the man said, his voice so low, his words were barely audible._

_For a moment they stood, looking miserably at each other, the only sound their heavy breathing. _

"_We can make it work," pleaded the girl, stepping closer to him. _

"_No, we can't," the man replied softly, swiftly stepping back and replacing the distance between them._

"_We love each other," she tried, moving so quickly towards him the man had no chance to get away. She gently placed her hands on his chest. "We love each other, and that's –"_

"_I don't love you," interrupted the man, a coldness filling his eyes that seemed desperately out of place. _

_The girl blinked, and a lone tear slipped down her cheek. "Remus?"_

"_I don't love you," he repeated, his words now as cold as his expression._

_The girl stared at him blankly, her face pale and stained with hurt, and her body swaying precariously. Without another word, she turned, and raced out of the room, her breath strangled and much too heavy. _

_The man stood, alone in the room, his hand over his face. He fell to the floor, and his hand slipped away. His tired, worn face was filled with hurt and regret, and an ocean of tears began to spill from his eyes. _

_He drew his wand, and pointed it dangerously at his temple. He gasped, and let a few more tears slip down his face, before dropping the wand, letting it hit the ground with a small clattering sound. _

_He turned to face the window, in which snow was falling fast. He shut his eyes, and mumbled something softly under his breath. "I must do what's right," he told himself aloud. "I have to do what will keep her safe."_

_And, for a moment, he thought he could see the glowing yellow eyes of Fenrir Greyback glinting with satisfaction at him through the windowpane._

I jolted awake, my eyes wide, and my breathing hard. Shaking my head, I pulled off my covers. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

As I spied my ready-to-go suitcases in the corner, I sighed. _Calais today_.

I quickly raced downstairs, luggage in hand. I was hoping beyond hope it wouldn't be just Lupin and I. I was too tired to deal with anything, especially Lupin.

But, just my luck, as I reached the end of the stairwell, my eyes locked momentarily with those of Remus Lupin.

He nodded in acknowledgment, and looked down at his shoes.

Sucking in a shaky breath, I walked door until I was only a few steps away from him.

"G'morning." His name had nearly slipped into my greeting, but I stopped myself just before. I couldn't bring myself to say it. At least out loud, and not in anger.

Lupin peered up at me, his eyes betraying nothing but momentary surprise. "'Morning, Tonks," he replied conversationally.

I bit my lip hard at the sound of him saying my name so easily. How could he do that? Didn't he care? Wasn't he feeling the same as me right now?

"Where's Hestia?" I asked quietly, feeling suddenly drained. _Great. Now think of what a whole conversation would do to me._

"She went to see Bill once more with Charlie before we left," answered Lupin quickly, because, as usual, he knew everything.

I sat down suddenly, my back pressing up against the banister. "Well." I adjusted my position, and drew my eyes up to the ceiling. "This is going to take awhile."

"Yes…" Lupin trailed off, and shifted uncomfortably. His eyes were darting from side to side, and I could tell he desperately was trying to avoid looking at me. My anger level boiled – he obviously felt guilty. I mean, was I that awful to look at? That much of a train wreck? Was I one of those broken girls that people just stopped and stared at, the pity practically dripping from their eyes? I blinked quickly, and looked down towards my shoes. Without even having to think about that, I knew the answer.

But there was something I didn't know. I had been dreading to ask this, but I knew this time I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, luckily keeping my voice calm and low, the exact opposite of how I felt at the moment.

Lupin's eyes flashed, and he concentrated determinedly on the floor. He knew what I was talking about. "Tonks…"

"Don't, Lupin," I said sharply, my eyes now boring holes into his skin. For once in what seemed like forever, I felt like I was in control. The situation was in _my_ hands, and I had better take advantage of it while I still could. "I'm not freaking out, I'm not yelling, I'm not crying – I'm just asking you. Please. I need to know."

Lupin sighed, and he lifted his face, which was suddenly looking more tired and worn then ever. "I had to," he rasped.

"_Why_?" I replied quickly, standing up slowly, and tenuously taking a step towards him. My heart was now pounding in my ears, I could feel myself slowly losing ground.

Lupin licked his lips, and finally met my eyes. His were shining over bright in the dim light, and I suddenly realized that he _was_, in fact, feeling just as horrible as I was now. He was suffering too – but in his own, 'I'm-just-fine-don't-bother-me' Remus Lupin kind of way.

"I - " He stopped, suddenly looking unsure of his own words. "There – there are things you don't know, Nympha –"

Suddenly, the front door slammed open, and Lupin immediately choked on his words. Before us stood Harry, Ron and Hermione, a look of regretful defeat of each one of their faces.

_---_

_Please R and R!_


	10. Too Close

Chapter Ten: Too Close

I lay, sprawled out, on my lumpy bed, in the disgusting hotel room we had managed to get. It was – surprisingly – even _more_ disgusting than the one we had last time. Don't Muggles ever clean?

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Hestia bustling around, tidying everything 'til it was just right. If I looked just behind her, I could also see Lupin standing, almost invisible, in the corner, appearing to be in deep thought.

I chewed on my lip, suddenly feeling a bit sad for him, despite my still-remaining anger. He hadn't even gotten a chance to speak with Harry; Hestia had turned up so shortly after. If _I_ hadn't seem someone I practically considered a son for over a year and all I got to say to him was 'hello' I would be in a mad rampage right about now. But then again, that could just be my heightened emotions talking.

But right now, my thoughts were mostly on Ginny. Most had interpreted her fainting as a sign of overwhelming joy at their arrival – but, well, I knew better. Poor Ginny. I wished I could be there.

"We should _do_ something," announced Hestia, who had finished tidying everything and was currently pacing the room.

I chewed on my lip, and stared up at the ceiling. Hestia was _not_ going to make me get up right now – I was quite comfortable just laying here in silence.

Lupin tried to reason with her, "It's eleven at night right now, I doubt –"

"You think You-Know-Who stops plotting and killing because it's _night_?" squeaked Hestia in protest. "No. I didn't think so. Now, I vote we go and do something!"

_Great. She 'votes'. Now we _have _to go._ I sat up, quickly let my hair down out of its ponytail, and then flopped back down on the bed. Hestia was _not_ making me get up.

---

I cannot believe Hestia made me get up.

I apparently don't have _any_ willpower. Really, I sadden myself. I sighed, and aimed the beam of light from my wand at another patch of darkened ground. A fat, balding rat sniffed at me and then ran off into the distance. I scowled, and turned to Hestia.

"Let's go back," I said shortly. A drop of rain fell onto my nose, and I hastily brushed it off. I hate the rain.

"Tonks," she rolled her eyes, and pointed her wand right at my face, causing me to blink and look away._ Cheeky cow…_ "Stop complaining. We're doing something _good_ here."

I looked over at Lupin, partly because I was waiting for him to back me up, and partly because I was still trying to avoid the blinding light from Hestia's wand. He shrugged, and I glared, swiftly turning on my heel, and walking into the darkness.

I clenched my wand tighter into my hand as I quickened my pace. I had to get away from them. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't think.

Suddenly, I heard rustling noises to my right. I stopped, and span around, wand pointed at the source of the sound.

At first, I saw nothing, and I turned back in the direction I had been headed. But then I heard it again. It was a small kind of shuffling sound, something a small rodent would make. I looked back at the source of the noise, and I narrowed my eyes. Then I saw it. A flash of brown raced through the tangled weeds and down onto the road, scurrying past

my feet.

I gasped, and quickly followed it, running hurriedly through the grimy plants, and over the muddy ground. Each step grossly produced a loud squelching sound, and I was sure that if I hadn't been moving quickly, I would have sunk in.

Finally, I saw the creature in front of me halt to a stop, and I suddenly got a good look at it. It was a _rat_. I groaned and shook my head. I had run into what _looked_ like some kind of bloody _cave_ because of a rat. The creature squeaked, and I looked at it again. _Wait._ I narrowed my eyes, and fell down to my knees to get a better look at it. This wasn't any rat. It was the rat I saw before.

The rat looked at me with watery eyes, and for a moment I thought it was smirking at me. It slowly approached me, and I tensed. Something was off. Something was _really_ off. I held my breath, and felt my skin pale as I realized what it must be.

In total dread, I slowly looked down at the rat's foot.

It was missing a finger.

_---_

_A/N: Mwahah...please R&R! Also, if a beta reader is someone who checks for grammatical and spelling errors, I desperately need one! Is anyone interested?_


	11. Love and Hate

_A/N: I've combined two chapters that I thought were much too short and could do well together. Hope you enjoy._

Chapter Eleven: Love and Hate

I jolted awake, my heavy breath coming out in short splutters. I tried to move, but I found my back was pinned up against something cold and wooden, and my hands and feet were tied together. _Where was I…?_

My eyelids felt heavy, and wouldn't move when I tried to open to my eyes. My sleepy conscience suddenly awakened, and I felt a wave of panic wash over me. _Where the hell was I? What was happening?_

I fidgeted fiercely, trying to cry out, but finding that my mouth had been stuffed with what seemed to be a wool cloth. I spluttered and desperately tried to spit it out. _What the hell, what the hell, where was I?_

Another wave of panic swept over me as I realized my wand was gone. I was tied up somewhere, with no means of defense. I was in serious trouble.

I tried once more to wiggle free, but it only dug the slim ropes deeper into my skin. I gasped, and felt a single tear fall down my cheek. I was going to die…

"Master," a voice rang through the chamber. My panic momentarily stopped. Someone was here. Someone would save me. Oh, Merlin, oh, Merlin. "She has awakened."

Immediately I cursed myself for being so stupid. Obviously this person was no help to me. They were probably the one who put me here. Dammit – _dammit_, and they said 'Master'…_dammit_, Merlin, this person was in league with Voldemort…and Voldemort was _here_. Oh, Merlin.

"Hm," the next voice brought a shiver to my spine. It was a low, dangerous hiss – one I found hard to believe was even human. I tensed. _Voldemort_. "Very well. I believe you can take it from here, Wormtail." _Wormtail. _Suddenly I remembered – the rat in the dark, the missing finger, us investigating…My blood ran cold. Where were Lupin and Hestia?

Loud, nearing footsteps stopping my thoughts abruptly. The hissing voice spoke once more, at a much closer distance than last time, "Goodbye, my pretty," to my utter disgust and fright, I felt a cold finger trace the edge of my cheek. I fought back against tears. "I will see you soon." And then he Disapparated. I could barely breathe. This could not be happening.

"_Resietto!_" I felt my feet and hands suddenly become free, and the gag on my mouth Disappear. "_Unapparati!" _A cold, tingling sensation washed over my body, and any freedom I had just gained was gone again – just like that.

My breathing heavy, I waited for Wormtail to speak again. But there was nothing. Just silence. I took a deep breath, and slowly opened my eyes. I seemed to be in some kind of cave; everything seemed to be made of stone. But it was so dark, I couldn't be sure. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face.

"Beautiful place, isn't it?" squeaked a voice from in front of me. My eyes darted around wildly, but I could not see him. It was just too damn dark. "_Lumos_," he said suddenly, and I hoped beyond hope that he could not read my mind.

The room flared with light, and my eyes first pinpointed the small, rat-like man standing in front of me. My lip curled in disgust. I could not _believe_ he had fooled me.

"Nice wand you have here," he jittered, and I could barely watch him as he talked. He was disgusting. He fingered my wand, and I scowled. He was rubbing his _disgusting_ little fingers all over my wand…

"Get your grimy hand off of it," I hissed. His small, watery eyes met mine, and he smiled.

"So you do talk," he replied, trying to deepen his voice. I suppose he wanted to seem intimidating. Hah.

He walked slowly up to me, and ran a finger softly over my lips. I wanted to vomit.

"Lupin sure knows how to choose them," he whispered, a crooked smirk on his lips.

I paled. I can't handle this. I can't handle him talking about Lupin. No, no, no.

"Stop it," I whispered, looking away from him. I could him his hot breath on my neck, and it was practically too much to take. "What do you want?" It shook me at how weak my voice sounded. I was stronger than this…wasn't I?

"At the moment?" Wormtail asked, laughing in what I supposed he thought was cold and menacingly, but just seemed high and pathetic. His eyes flashed, and another smile fell upon his face. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed them yet."

I felt my blood run cold. _What?_ Wormtail nodded to his right, and adjusted the beam of light issuing from his wand a bit.

_Oh. Merlin._ Tied up and unconscious, to my left, were Lupin and Hestia, their heads bobbing in a dead looking way by their shoulders.

"What did you do to them?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice devoid of any emotion but anger and hatred. I looked back at them. Their skin was ghost white, and I couldn't see any movement at all coming from them. _Shit, shit, shit._ I blinked back harsh tears.

"Oh, they're not dead," laughed Wormtail, the shadows making him look more rat like then ever. "Just…preoccupied. So they won't interrupt anything."

"You're a coward!" I shrieked, unable to keep my cool any longer. "What the hell are you planning to do? Just say it already! Dammit, just tell me!"

Wormtail smiled. "Really…this isn't about you," his face darkened, and his eyes were suddenly filled with hate and want. "This is about getting back at someone who's had it coming to them for much too long." Wormtail looked back up at me, his face lighting up with anticipation and pride. "You – _you_ are just going to help the process along."

And before I could say another word, my world went black again.

---

When I awoke, I found myself lying on the cold, stone ground. But…I was free. I gasped, and jumped to my feet. I would Apparate back to Grimmauld, and tell the others where to go, to save Lupin and Hestia…

I closed my eyes, and tried to concentrate on the alleyway just before Grimmauld. Instead, I found myself being flung against the stone wall. I swore, and straightened up.

_Dammit. _The Apparition blocking curse Wormtail put on me must still be in effect.

I took in a shaky breath, and looked around me. There was a small lantern in the corner, which illuminated the room. In the corner, there was a small cot, with a ratty blanket on top of it. Beside that, there was a wand. I neared it. _My_ wand. I blinked. Were they playing with my mind?

I quickly approached it, and fingered it carefully. "_Lumos_," I whispered, and the whole room lit up. I waited for a moment, and then cast a silent '_Nox_'.

There were no windows in the room…I wasn't even sure if it was still night. In fact…what day was it? How much time had passed? Was the Order aware of our disappearance? A million questions ran through my mind. I sat down silently on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. My eyes slowly traveled to the small door in the corner, which was sealed tightly from top to bottom. I got it. I was trapped.

Feeling tears and anger all boil to the surface, I let out a cry of agony, and ran to the door, slamming my fists hard against the cool metal. "Let me out!" I screamed, not caring about the sharp pain coming from my now bleeding fists. "Let me out!" I choked on my words, and fell back against the door, scraping my back clumsily against the hinges.

I was trapped.

----

I lay awake, ignoring my heavy eyes and stifled yawns. I couldn't let myself sleep. Not when I didn't know what was happening. My dreams would only be wrecked with havoc and misery. At least when I was awake, I was safe. For now, anyways.

I wasn't afraid of Wormtail. With my wand back, I knew he was no threat to me. And I was pretty sure he knew it too. It had been at least five hours and he had not come to check on me once. I guess he neither overestimated my smarts nor underestimated my magical ability.

I coughed painfully, and drew in slow, long breaths to steady myself. It was suffocating in here. There was basically no oxygen, and the air had a horrible stench to it. Like the smell of…rotting corpses. I swallowed slowly. Either Wormtail's 'great' plan was to suffocate me, or he would not leave me too long in here.

Suddenly, a resounding _bang_ to my left sent me to my feet, wand at the ready. There were awful wriggling and screaming noises until –

"Let me down, you awful man, let me down!"

I froze. _Hestia_. Hestia was awake.

High, pathetic laughter rung over her screams. "You're a lot more desperate then the other one, you know." A sharp sound stopped Wormtail in his tracks. My eyes widened.

She had slapped him.

"Get me out of here," she growled, her voice so low I had to strain my ears to catch it.

"Shut up!" shrieked Wormtail. I felt almost ashamed. I had let him toy with me…and look at Hestia – five minutes in and she was almost ruling the situation.

"Do _not _tell me to shut up, you foul –"

_BANG_. I felt the walls shake, as if there was an earthquake. My heartbeat quickened. _No_ – he had thrown Hestia against the wall.

There was a small mumble, just inaudible to me. She was close.

"Hestia!" I whispered hoarsely against the door. "Hestia!"

"Tonks?" I heard a small, tired voice mutter. "Mhmm…is that you?"

"Yes, it's me," my breath quickened as I heard footsteps. "Hestia, are you OK?"

"Yeah…" her voice wavered in such a way that I knew she was barely holding on to consciousness.

"Are you bleeding?"

"A little…"

"Hestia?" The footsteps were dangerously close now.

"I'm fine," her voice suddenly sounded sharper, and I immediately fell to attention. "But Tonks…there's…there's something wrong with Lupin…he looks –"

"There!" I heard Wormtail's shrill voice cry out. I bit my lip, and sat back against the door, trying to be as silent as I could. "Have you learned your lesson now? You will not talk back to me!" I grinded my teeth angrily. Wormtail sounded pathetic. He _was_ pathetic. And yet he had trapped us here. It made me so angry…I could kill him.

Hestia took in a sharp breath. "Fine," she hissed, moving uncomfortably against the wall.

I could feel Wormtail mouth moving into what could only be called a smile. "Good. Now, you're no longer of any use here. Get out of my sight."

I blinked, totally confused. Apparently Hestia felt the same. "W-what?"

"You heard me. Go home. Go somewhere. Just get _out_ of my sight."

Hestia shakily stood up. "I'll – I'll go alert the Order!"

"Be my guest." Wormtail laughed, his high shrieks piercing my eardrums. "The Order can't even save them now."

Hestia gasped. "No…" As Wormtail's shrill laughs continued manically, Hestia quickly turned on her heel and Disapparated.

Finally, the room regained its eerie silence. My heart began to pound, fast, while I felt my reality begin to blur. Everything I just learned was starting to sink in…

"So." The closeness of Wormtail's voice caused me to gasp. He had lowered himself to the same level Hestia had been. He must have known I was there all that time. "Are you ready now to contribute your part?"

_My part_? I scowled. "You're pathetic."

Wormtail laughed harshly. "Maybe a few more days here, then…"

And with another laugh, Wormtail walked off into the silence.

_----_


	12. Surface

Chapter Twelve: Surface

As I carved the shaky fourth line onto the cave wall, I realized I would die here. It was, it seemed, my fourth day locked in this hellhole. I hadn't eaten in five, not to mention the overwhelming thirst.

I was going to die here.

I wanted to cry, scream, maybe even attempt another half-witted escape attempt, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I just stared, my back against the wall, and my mouth half open, as though my face was stuck in a look of absolute bewilderment.

I was going to die here.

I hated him, I hated Wormtail, and I hated all those cowardly Death Eaters. They had won, they will win, and there was nothing I could do about it. I would die here, before any of the Order members could even find me. I had given up hope on that after the first few days. Then, I had hated Hestia. Had she even tried to save me? Had she even cared?

But, now, I couldn't. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anybody's fault but _theirs._

Suddenly, a loud crack and a resounding tidal way of bright light filled the room. I let out a dull shriek, and attempting to cover my eyes, which were burning from the even dull light.

"Well, you're still alive," he hissed at me, and for a moment I wondered if this was a dream. If I was dead and merely experiencing some weird illusion. My mind couldn't let me think that maybe I was getting out of this room. But – what else could I have to look forward to? This was Wormtail. He was not going to let me go free.

My footsteps neared me, and I attempt to focus my hopelessly blurred vision. He seemed to be almost floating along the cold floor, his body out of proportion and overly colorful.

"Get up," he commanded, stomping his foot loudly against the floor beside me.

Grunting in slight protest, I attempted to lift myself up. I relied greatly on the hard wall behind me, but even with it I felt myself slipping.

"I…can't…" I mumbled as I struggled against my own body weight. Suddenly, felt my weight shift from under, I fell face forward into Wormtail, unable to stop myself.

Wormtail growled as he tried to push me off him. Surprisingly, the action had great effect. I was now on my feet, somewhat steady. My arms felt like giant weights at my sides, and I doubted I could properly move my legs, but I was up.

"Come," he said shortly, and flicked his wand towards me. I suddenly felt a hard pull on my mid drift as I was pushed slowly forward, following along behind Wormtail.

He quickly exited the dark room, and light filled my eyes once more. The burning sensation already there increased, and now I cried out in pain. Wormtail stopped, and turned to me.

"Shut up," he snapped, his voice not keeping steady. A subtle voice inside me told me he was afraid of me. _Me_. I was hurt, near dead, a basically useless corpse, and yet he was afraid. I wanted to laugh, in fact, I almost did. Until I was reminded greatly of two things – one, I can't even walk. Laughing might not be the best thing to do. And two – just because he was afraid, didn't mean he was unable. He had a wand, not me.

He turned back away from me, and continued walking along the torched lit path, towards a large green door.

I blinked, and suddenly felt my eyes begin to focus. I looked wildly around, ignoring the still prominent pains overtaking my body.

"Where are you taking me?" I whispered, shocked at the hoarseness of my own voice.

"Oh, I promise, you'll enjoy…it," he ended lamely, his evil spiel showing just how much of a loser he was. Apparently Wormtail noticed that too. He scowled.

We turned a sudden corner, and I wondered vaguely how big this cave was, and how I hadn't even noticed it before. This place was gigantic. Hundreds of tunnel, and tons of empty space. Crazy.

Suddenly, we entered a large space I _knew_ I had seen before. It was the room in which I had originally awakened. A small shiver down my spine. This was where Hestia had been held, too. Which meant…

My eyes began to scan the room quickly, but Wormtail's close perimeter blocked my view.

He turned, uncovering what I feared I would see.

The limp body of Lupin was lying, huddled up, in the far corner of the room. His eyes were closed, his arms laying at uncomfortable angles by his sides, and he was a ghastly shade of white. Oh, Merlin.

Before another thought could process in my mind, Wormtail jumped in front of Lupin, scowling something terrible, and making sure I could see that his wand was pointing directly to Lupin's heart.

"I'll kill him!" he screeched, his voice echoing through the empty chamber. "You have no idea how much I've wanted this, and how long I've waited!" He snarled, and placed an abrupt kick to Lupin's side. Lupin twitched horribly in his sleep, and I found myself taking a step forward. "Stop!" he screamed. "Stop right there or I swear I'll do it! I'll kill him!" I froze, and stared at Wormtail, blood pounding loudly in my ears. Once he was sure I was not going to make any sudden movements, he crouched down beside Lupin's body, his finger straying lightly across his chest. He paused as his finger hit a bloody mass of cloth, which I could only assume used to be part of Lupin's shirt. They had beaten him to a pulp.

"He was always the one I envied the most," continued Wormtail after a moment, a finger still placed on Lupin. "James and Sirius had always been the handsome, athletic, cunning ones, but all that didn't matter, compared to what Remus had. He was smart, powerful, and above all…brave."

Wormtail's eyes glazed over, and his hands now seemed to be shaking violently, like someone under an Unforgivable. "He would do anything for anyone…no matter how much he hated them. He would have easily given up his soul for James or Sirius, perhaps even I." Wormtail's voice wavered, and I was reminded yet again of how persistently insecure he was. "He had such bravery that only a Gryffindor could ever achieve. He was a saint in himself. That power alone was far more valuable that anything James and Sirius could ever achieve."

Suddenly, Wormtail eyes turned cold, and a deep fury ran through his body as he curled his hands into fists. "But, oh! How that ungrateful sod abused these powers! He waved them off, disregarded them!" Wormtail shrieked menacingly with laughter, and a shiver ran through my spine. "Modesty! As if _that_ has ever gotten anyone anywhere! _Why_, I used to think, _why was such an undeserving man given such ultimate powers? Why couldn't _I_ someone of obviously a higher frame of mind, have these? Why had fate tempted me like this, like a blind man who knew of sight, but could never see?_ And then, _then_, it happened. I was given a proposal I could not refuse, from the Dark Lord himself. Of course, I had agreed immediately. This was what I had always dreamed of. A chance to prove my bravery, a chance to show others of it!"

Now, Wormtail stood, his eyes passionate with rage. He turned to Lupin's body, and kicked it, over and over again until I cried out, tears pounding to the point of pain at the back of my eyes. Lupin was now bleeding, the cuts on his chest reopening. Wormtail stopped, panting. His face was that of a madman when he turned to me, continuing on. "But _no_! Look what I have become! A _rat_! A_ fool_! A _COWARD_!" Wormtail was past the point of control. I felt tears slide down my cheeks. "_Nothing_ has gone my way! What I thought was my chance to win, _finally_, was only another chance to fail, a chance to destroy myself in the views of others!" Wormtail took his wand, and pointed it once again at Lupin's heart, now staring me blankly in the eye. "There _will _be punishment this time! I cannot, and will not let _them _get the better of me! Not again!"

Silence rang through the chamber, except for the occasional sounds of me trying to restrain my crying. Finally, I realized he was waiting for me to speak. "But…I don't understand," I sobbed, the tears refusing to stop. "Why Lupin? Why not…You-You Know Who? Lupin has done nothing to you! It-it's not his fault!"

Wormtail shook his head, his now bloodshot eyes bulging out at me. "No. You don't understand. If not for the Dark Lord, I would be far worse than I am now. He saved me. I own him everything." I almost saw a smile creep onto his haunted face, before his eyes went dark again. "If _they _– Remus, James, and Sirius _Bloody _Black – had just stayed away from me, none of this would have happened! I would not be the wreck I am now! They destroyed me with their superiority, their bragging, and their patronizing! They made me the _fool_ I am today! But – now, they are all gone. Gone from my life and my nightmares. I finally feel…free." A sick grin came across Wormtail's face. "Well, all of them…except one." His eyes fell once more on Lupin, and then slowly back to me. My blood ran cold.

"You can't kill him." The words rasped out of my mouth before I could stop myself. "Kill me instead."

Wormtail smirked, crookedly. "You two _are_ made for each other, it seems," he drawled. "You love him, no?"

I blinked. What was he doing? "Yes," I whispered, not meeting his eyes.

"And he loves you?"

My expression hardened. "I bloody well hope so," I snarled, finally feeling my fury towards Wormtail kick in.

Wormtail's smirk only widened. "Good. And, I supposed, you'd want the man you love to die in the most dignified way possible?"

My eyes narrowed, and I once again made a move for Lupin's body, but Wormtail stopped me with his hand. I scowled. "Why are you asking me this?"

"So, I'm assuming this means that you wouldn't want his death to be caused by such an ignorant rat such as myself?"

Panic began to rise in my chest, and I felt desperate. Before I could respond, however, he leaned closer to me, his rat-like face glistening.

"You want the deed to be done in a way that he would not loathe, a way that he would not be rolling over in his grave because?"

My breath caught, and I stared Wormtail in the eye. "What are you doing?" I whispered to him, my voice hoarse and weak.

Wormtail smiled. "I'm making you a preposition."

---

I stared at my reflection in the cracked mirror. The long, black robes I had been given shadowed my face, and covered me from head to foot. The dragon hide gloves and boots matched the black of my robes perfectly, and were glistening lightly in the dull moonlight. My hair was tied roughly back into a dirtied ribbon, and the mousy-brown colour of it clashed horribly with my wardrobe. My eyes were red and puffy, the only colorful thing about my appearance. My face was a shade of skeletal white I had never known was possible to achieve. Almost unwillingly, I slipped on the last part of my costume: the heavy, frightening mask, which shielded everyone from my true appearance.

I was a monster.

Tears threatened to pour as I browsed over my thoughts, going over and over Wormtail's words. He had told me it was the only chance to give Lupin a respectable death. That I would die if I didn't – that every member of the _Order_ would die if I didn't! He told me he knew who each and every member was, and where they were situated. He was right. I needed to talk to them. I needed to tell them to run. To take their families and run away from Voldemort and this goddamned stupid war. To tell them that we were losing.

He had handed my wand back to me. He had said I wouldn't escape. I knew he was right. He had then given me what he called my "uniform". The words stung me. I was doing this. We were losing, and I had already lost.

I bit my lip, hard, trying to prevent it from shaking. How was I supposed to do this? I couldn't even kill Bellatrix – someone I hated with a passion. I had never held a wand to someone I loved before. I could never kill someone I loved.

But my alternative, I knew, was worse. And Wormtail knew it, too. I could never let Wormtail kill Lupin. I loved him too much to have that happen to him.

My eyes glazed over, and I stared, unfocused, at my wand. I rubbed my fingers against its smooth surface, brushing away the tears that were now dripping onto it. Taking off my mask, I allowed myself a moment to cry freely. I was being selfish; I knew. I had no right to cry, I would never have a right to cry after this. Everything that had happened tonight was my fault, in one way or another. I had been captured. I had been the bait. I had put Hestia's life in danger, and was now ending Lupin's. This was my entire fault.

For a moment, I saw myself lifting my wand to my head, screaming and screaming and screaming until it all went black. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. However horrible it was, I owed this to Lupin.

I had to do it.

---


	13. The Accused

_A/N: Alright, everyone we're nearing the end now. Only a few more chapters to go. This one is the -big- one, by the way. Though, I have to warn you, it's gonna be cheesier than a Hilary Duff film. Scary, I know. However, I hope you can see past that and maybe…possibly…enjoy it : ) Thanks for all the awesome reviews!_

Chapter Fourteen: The Accused

"Hurry up," scowled Wormtail, grasping my wrist, and finally dragging me from the cold chambers I had been left alone in for the last two hours. I had counted every second.

"I can't go any faster," I slurred, my tongue feeling fuzzy and large. I needed water.

Wormtail's scowl deepened, and he roughly shoved my into a small doorway, effectively banging my elbows on the edges. I pursed my lips to keep from crying out. I needed to save my energy.

The room in which we entered was eerie, and seemingly deserted. There was a large circle in the middle of the room, with a slight vacancy about it. I strained my pounding mind, searching for answers. I knew I had seen this design before.

As we neared the aforementioned circle, Wormtail quickly drew his wand, keeping me firmly attached with his right hand. As though he had done this a million times before, he touched the tip of it to his Dark Mark, causing the world to suddenly lurch from around us. I fell from Wormtail's grasp, and watched in dazed shock as numerous members of the Death Eaters appeared around us, some wearing their masks and robes, some struggling to put them on just as they arrived.

"What's this about, Rat?" one of the masked members addressed Wormtail, his voice prodding at memories in my mind. Quite rapidly, I placed the voice. _Goyle._

"I've captured an Auror, and a present member of the Order of the Phoenix," he declared, looking about three shades whiter now that everyone's eyes were on him. "On the Dark Lord's orders, of course," he added quickly, almost as an impulse.

Immediately, the accusing eyes that were just moments before glaring at Wormtail turned to me. I could easily identify most of the culprits. Lucius Malfoy, McNair, and both Crabbe and Goyle Senior. My stomach tightened as my gaze fell upon Bellatrix Lestrange, who smirked madly as her eyes met mine.

"Ooh! It must be my lucky day," Bellatrix cackled, her high-manic laugh piercing the dull silence. "If it isn't ickle Nymphadora!" Her eyes shimmered and fell to my wrist. "Has she been branded yet?" she shot at Wormtail, paying no attention to his squirming demeanor.

Wormtail shook his head, eyeing me oddly. I turned my head to the ground.

"Goodie!" she cried. "Won't the Dark Lord be pleased when I commit my own flesh and blood? He has told me _numerous _times how surprising it is that I've been the only faithful Black to Him." She stared at me until I looked up, immediately regretting it as her black eyes sparkled disturbingly into mine. Her tone softened, and she leaned closer to me. "And you will be faithful to Him, now won't you, Dora?"

Shutting my eyes tightly I nodded, letting Bellatrix enjoy another maddening laugh.

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed, clasping my wrist tightly. I winced. She turned it over, tracing a small circle in my forearm. "Now – shall we begin?"

A trait I was sure I would perfect, I nodded, quickly and emotionlessly.

Bellatrix could only laugh.

---

I had never before noticed how beautiful the night was. The stars twinkled down on you, the moon shadowed you in romantic light and the cool night air breezed softly by your shoulder. It left you calm, perfected. No matter what had happened previously, it made you feel as if everything would be all right. _Beautiful_.

It was funny that that was the only thing I wished I could have as I lay against the cold stone floor, trapped once more in another numerous cave-like room. I didn't want help, or my friends, or anything I probably should. I wanted the night. I wanted the feeling that I would be OK.

I tried to move to my side, only to be stopped be the recurring blinding pain in my wrist. I winced, and clutched it tightly, cursing under my breath. I removed my grasp, and stared down on it, watching the black serpent pulse angrily, its eyes shimmering dangerously up at me. I shut my eyes, and turned to the wall, my hands clasped in fists. I tried to imagine the night. The air, the scene, the light. I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I was useless.

Wormtail had said it was tonight. He would come and get me soon, he had said. I would be ready. I would have to be ready. There was no room for exceptions. My Mark burned, pain searing through my veins. My fists tightened, and I slammed them against the hard wall. They were bleeding…I was bleeding. Good. The blood trickled down my arms, cooling the boiling pain. Good. Good. I could do this. I could.

A door to my left slammed open, and I started, whimpering and clutching my knees.

"You!" The voice spoke to me. I recognized it easily; Lestrange. "Up, you filthy Half-blood!" Obviously he held no remorse for me. I sat still, ignoring him. Letting out a low growl of annoyance, he drew his wand, and quickly sent a mild curse at me. I cried out, hitting the floor hard with my chin slamming against the cool stone. "Up!" he commanded, and I scrambled to my feet, trying to block out the searing pain in my jaw and wrist. "Follow me, you dirty miscreant." He turned away from me, heading towards the door. Feeling slightly dizzy, I followed him, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

Dread flooded my vision as I tried to focus in on Lestrange's billowing black robes, turning sudden corners and seemingly walking in wavy lines. _This was really happening. This wasn't a dream. I was going to kill someone. Someone I loved. _I stopped, my heart and head pounding simultaneously and painfully. _Someone I loved…_

Lestrange glared at me. "_Move_!" he bellowed. I stood, awed, and just stared at him. _I couldn't do this. _Lestrange's eyes sparked at he started towards me, hand raised. Hard and quick, he slapped me across the face. I winced, and fell back against the wall. I lifted a hand softly to my cheek, feeling the tender wounded area, and quickly brushing away one lone tear that had fallen. Lestrange turned, and begin to walk. I followed him, my cheek burning.

He came to a large door, with numerous locks securing it tightly from intruders. Why anyone would be in this cave in the first place was beyond me. He quickly drew his wand, and muttered numerous incantations. The locks quickly snapped open, and pushed the doors forward.

The room before us was much like the one in which I had been branded in, mere hours ago. There was a circle to the left of the middle of the room, filled with numerous Death Eaters. To the right, there was Lupin, now awake, tied to a chair and staring blankly up at the ceiling.

My eyes stung, and my chest pounded with hurt as I looked on to the numerous scars and cuts covering his body. They were all new. I had done this to him. His teeth were chattering, and his robes with ripped and torn in many places. He was freezing. He could be seriously sick. My wrist throbbed. And now…I was going to kill him.

My knees weakening from underneath me, I collapsed onto the hard ground, tears blurring my vision. "I can't do this," I wailed. "Don't make me do this!" They were coming closer. "I can't do this!" I screamed again, wrestling and clawing at them as they attempted to pull me to my feet. "You won't make me do this, I can't, I can't, I can't!" I screamed in despair, watching as they swarmed around me, drawing their wands. _This was it…_

But instead of a spell, I felt a slap sting my cheek once more. My vision cleared, and I saw the haunted face of Bellatrix Lestrange staring down at me. "You _will_ do this, you silly girl! Do not underestimate me, I can make matters much, much worse than they already are," she hissed, her expression stained with insanity and hate. "I do believe you have a father, girl. And…a few friends, if I'm not mistaken?" I couldn't bear to look at her. I knew without seeing her face that she was dead serious.

When I remained silent, she slapped me once more. "Answer me, you good for nothing little bitch!"

"Yes!" I cried, exasperated. My head and wrist throbbed, temporally blurring my vision again. I swayed, but desperately caught my balance. "Yes…I do. I'll do it. I'll do it, OK." My voice wavered. This was the end.

"Good." The Death Eaters around me parted, save for Wormtail, who was desperately avoiding my gaze.

"Draw your wand," he whispered, his hand shaking slightly as he pointed his wand vaguely in my direction. I did as he said, tears threatening to fall once more. I could barely hold my wand in my hand, I was shaking so much. "Now get it over with." He turned away from me, but I continued to watch him.

"He was good to you," I muttered, not caring if he heard me or not. "He was your friend and you betrayed him. You betrayed them all. You don't deserve to hold that wand. You just don't deserve anything." Shakily, I stumbled to my feet, nearing the spot where Lupin sat. As I left Wormtail, in my delirious state, I thought I could almost hear him mumble, "I'm sorry."

Lupin's eyes were still on the ceiling, as if he hadn't heard any of what had just happened. I was sure he did. He heard everything. The lump in my throat grew consecutively larger as I neared him, gripping my wand tightly in my hand.

I noticed Lupin also had a wand in his hand. I drew in a shaky breath. Voldemort always seemed to insist on a fair duel. Though, being beaten to a pulp and tied to a chair with only a wand for protection that he was probably too tired to use was hardly 'fair'.

As I came within ten feet of Lupin, I stopped. It would be too painful any closer. Any closer and I would see every agonizing second of his pain…

Tearing up once more, I stared down at the ground, letting a few tears fall before straightening up. I had to do this. I had to do it.

"Hurry up!" screamed one of the Death Eaters, shooting a curse at my back. I faltered, but straightened up quickly, drawing my wand out in front of me. Two or three Death Eaters cheered, and Bellatrix giddily exclaimed, "How proud the Dark Lord would be to see such a satisfying way to destroy true love." She laughed madly at her comment, and felt a chill run down my spine. _I was actually doing this…I was actually doing this…_

Panic sweeping through my body, I glanced behind me, looking desperately for an escape route. I needed to get out. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't…

Soundlessly, Lupin's eyes fell from the ceiling, landing firmly on mine. They held a ghost-like haunted quality but they were still his. Dammit, they were still his. A shiver ran down my spine, and another tear fell. His deep eyes were calculating me, as though he held an understanding about me that even I failed to see. I shook, and began to lower my wand. I wouldn't do this. But as my arm fell, Lupin shook his head. He dropped his own wand, and I winced as it clattered to a stop. His eyes were pleading with me now. Pleading with me to do it. I let out a shaky sigh. No, no, no. Why was he making me do this? Why were they making me do this?

I tore my eyes from his, only to catch sight of his lips. He was mouthing, slowly but surely, "Please."

Shutting my eyes tightly, I raised my wand. I pushed all thoughts out of my mind, but I couldn't stop my hand from shaking.

"Do it!" screamed a Death Eater from behind me, shooting another curse my way. I fell forward; a thin green stream of light exiting my wand. As I hit the floor on my knees, I refused to open my eyes, my hand still clasped tightly to the wand. Minutes seem to pound by, my whole body aching and screaming.

Finally, with all the last of my strength, I opened my eyes, feeling the tears that had been building up stream down my cheeks. But as my vision focused, I saw not the limp body of Lupin, but the very much alive one, with his hands held out in front of him, quietly handling the spell before him.

With a gasp, I realized my wand was still producing a spell as well. Our two lines of green connected in mid-air, creating a thick line of red.

"What is this!" screamed Bellatrix from behind me, sounding insanely angry. "What the fucking hell is this? Why isn't he _dead_? What the hell is this!"

Panting, I searched my mind for an answer. I couldn't think of one. I had never seen anything like this before in my life. I must have gone insane, and this is my delusion.

"Is it _Priori Incantatem_? Are their wands brothers?" somebody called out.

"No, no, no," replied Wormtail, sounding almost annoyed. "I-I've seen that before…it's…different."

"Oh, shut up, Wormtail, what do you know!" screamed the voice of Bellatrix, now in hysterics. "There must be some…explanation…for this…" I heard her footsteps near us, and I tried to look back, all the while concentrating on keeping my wand steady, as it seemed to be shaking violently in my hand. She stepped towards the ray connecting us, and drew her wand, attempting to break it. "_Stu_ –" before she could even finish, an invisible force threw her back. Now raging, she ran at it again.

"Stop!" cried Wormtail from the crowd. Bellatrix turned to him, seething. "Don't!"

"Why not, rat?" she screamed, glaring at him. "What, am I to believe this is _the power of true love_ bonding them?" she sneered, throwing her raven black hair back behind her shoulder.

The crowd went exceedingly silent. I felt myself pale. This was too insane for any delusion.

"Oh, come on!" she shrieked. She pointed her wand at the connection, but this time was thrown back before she even opened her mouth, hard, onto the far wall. The Death Eaters stared in wonder and astonishment as a trickle of blood fell from Bellatrix's forehead. She was unconscious.

"What do we do?" one of them questioned, his voice unsure. Just as he spoke the words, the connection became much harder to control, and I gripped my wand even more tightly. From the look of concentration of Lupin's face, I could see it was the same on his side.

"Oh, move aside," I could see the figure of Lucius Malfoy making his way through the crowd. "This is ridiculous, I –"

But he was cut off by the sudden spark of light from the center of the thick red bond. Vaguely, images started to appear. As I tried to make it out, my wand began shaking out of control. I winced out and knelt down, hugging my wand tightly to prevent me from losing grip. Lupin was struggling to keep the connection in his hands, as well. He looked like he was in another place.

Suddenly, a quiet voice broke through the silence. It seemed to belong to the vague images floating above us.

"_I know you may not feel the same way…but I feel I must confess. I…I love you."_

I gasped. _Merlin_. That was my voice. This was my conversation. It was the day…the day I told Lupin I loved him. My skin prickled at the odd realization. I had never known this was even possible.

_"Nymphadora…"_

It was Lupin's voice now. I bit my lip, suddenly not wanting to relive this event, _especially _not with half a dozen Death Eaters watching.

"_If you don't feel the same just say."_ My voice was cracking with emotion. I sighed deeply.

_"It's not that, but…"_

_"Then let's try…try being together. You never know…"_

"_I do know, I'm sorry Nymphadora. I can't."_

The shadowy figures dissolved, and then reappeared, in slightly different positions.

"_I'm sorry…for everything…I love you. I do. And…if you still want to…I believe we could perhaps…give this a shot."_

I drew in a shaky breath. I could see now I was going to be forced to relive every particularly emotional moment between Lupin and I.

"_Remus,"_ my voice cut through the awkward silence_. "You have been an idiot. You have made my life hell, and caused my to experience a low that I never knew I could achieve."_ I could remember how scared I had been when I said those words. But how happy I was at the chance of finally getting to say them.

_"Nymphadora, I cannot –"_

"_Remus, please, just let me finish. You've put me through that, and yet I still love you. That tells me one thing. You're the one I'm meant to be with. You're It. But…in order for this to work…you have to want this as much as I do. And, if you don't…I suppose…I suppose I can understand…"_

"_Nymphadora?"_

"_It's really OK…I know that –"_

"_Nymphadora?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Stop talking."_

"_What?"_

The two silhouettes above us moved closer, and you could just make out the fact that they were kissing. As they image faded once more, I tried to ignore the small shiver that ran down my spine. That had been our first kiss.

A new image appeared, but this time with only one figure present in it. I could tell from the size it was not me.

There was a small noise suddenly produced, a knock. The figure quickly moved aside and opened a door, letting another figure in.

"_What are you doing here?" _The first figure commanded. It was Lupin's voice.

"_We need to chat, Lupin." _I did not recognize the voice, but I could tell from the tone that it was not a friendly man. _"Have you done what I requested?"_

"_Not yet…I am working towards it, but…what you have asked is exceedingly difficult, sir…"_

The second figure snarled. _"Exceedingly difficult? It is a woman, Lupin. All I am asking is for you to dispose of her. Simple and easy." _

"_Sir, I just…you don't know of the situation…"_

"_Oh, do you 'love' her, Lupin?"_ cooed the second figure in a mock baby voice. But his tone quickly lowered, dangerous and rough, as he leaned into Lupin. _"Dump the girl, or I'll kill you both."_

The second figure straightened up and left the room quickly, leaving Lupin slumped down, hands covering his face.

A new image quickly appeared, and I could feel dread rush through my veins. I did not want to see another one. Please, please not another one.

My heart broke just as Lupin's voice broke through the silence, _"It's over, Tonks."_

But as soon as the memory started, it ended, as the _actual_ Lupin thrust away from the bond, bellowing, "Now!"

Confused, I looked around. In the corner, I was shocked to see all of the Order charging at the circle of Death Eaters, wands shooting spells as quickly as possible. I looked back over at Lupin, who was still tied to the chair, but was quickly trying to untie himself.

Rushing over, I rapidly undid the ties myself, handing his wand back to me. He jumped to his feet, brushing himself off.

As he straightened up, I couldn't help but feel tears pound at the back of my eyes. "I'm sorry," I croaked, my voice shaky.

He lifted his head, staring my right in the eye. He was still, his expression nonchalant. "Not right now, Nymphadora."

I nodded quickly, and we both charged on to the crowd of desperately fighting Death Eaters, finally willing and ready to fight to the death.

---

_A/N: Uh…yes, well, that's that. First note: Obviously the "true love bond" is NOT canon in any way shape or form, I build that out of my own cheese, and from JKR's brilliant Priori Incantatem._

_Second note: How Bellatrix branded Tonks is also not canon. It is assumed that Voldemort gives the Dark Mark to his followers, so sorry if that is AU. _

_Third note: The second "unfriendly" voice that Tonks doesn't recognize is Fenrir Greybacks. _

_Thank you for reading, pleeeeease review. Come on. You know you want to. Just press that little button down there. It's that easy. Special mention in next chapter to first reviewer!_


	14. ThatKindofReallyBigMakesMeHateYouLove

Chapters Fourteen: That Kind of Really, Really Big Pretend to Like Your Taste In Music, Let You Eat the Last Piece of Cheesecake, Hold a Radio Over My Head Outside Your Window, Unfortunate Way That Makes Me Hate You, Kind of Love.

_A/N: Omygosh! I almost forgot! Many thanks to my wonderful reviewer, _**asli**, _who was first to review! You rule! Hehehe._

"Ouch." I winced, and drew my hand back slightly. Molly Weasley gave me a sympathetic look.

"Did I hurt you, dear?" She shook her head, and gently began to bandage my hand. "I'm sorry."

I lowered my eyes down to my raw and bloodied skin, and bit my lip. "No, I shouldn't be complaining."

"Complaining?" Molly chuckled, and softly tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Darling, you have every right to complain. After all you've been through…well, you deserve to have a lot more than just the right to complain."

I shook my head, messing up my wild hair even more. Molly sighed. "No, no. I have no right to complain, or anything. Molly, I … look at me!" My face burning, I lifted up my sleeve and showed her the glowing Dark Mark, the serpent's eyes glaring up at us.

Molly gasped, and turned her head away, quickly rustling down my sleeve blindly. "Tonks … none of this was your fault," she said slowly, her light eyes now observing me with a sickening motherly expression. I turned my face down, ashamed. I didn't deserve to have her looking at me like that. I had screwed up my relationship with my own mother, and now it was too late to do anything about it. I didn't deserve another one. "You were beaten, emotionally and physically, by people that outnumbered you by –"

"But, no, Molly, it wasn't like that!" I stood up, and wrenched my hand away from hers. She started to protest but I cut her off. "It was just Wormtail, Molly! He … _he_ was the one who lured me into the cave, _he_ was the one who over powered me and _he_ was the one who told me I had to kill him!" The lack of sleep and food finally caught up to me, and I collapsed back onto the chair, breathing heavily. "It was just him, Molly," I croaked, ashamed to have tears blurring my vision.

"Oh, dear," Molly smiled softly, and leaned forward, trapping me in a warm embrace. As she held me, I couldn't stop the tears from pouring out. Before I knew it, I was full-out bawling, my shoulders shaking and hiccoughs escaping my mouth.

"Why?" I whispered, my words muffled into her patched robes. "I was so stupid, Molly, I put so many people in danger…"

"Dear…" Molly pulled back, and I noticed her eyes were watery as well. "No, look at me." As a tear dropped off the tip of my nose, she placed her hand on my chin, tilting my face upwards so I was forced to look at her eye to eye. "There, darling," she whispered, her still cloudy eyes smiling along with the rest of her features. "Now, listen to me. What happened was not your fault. You could have never prepared for it. Even if you did this all over again, the same thing would have eventually happened. Wormtail, the rat, would have found another way to lure all of you into the cave, whether it be using you in particular as bait, or not. None of this had anything to do with your abilities or intelligence. Had it been Mad-eye, say, he would have made the same choices you made." Molly smiled. I drew in sharp breath. She looked so sure. I wanted to look away but somehow, I couldn't. "You did the right thing, Tonks. And, in the end, it saved us all."

"I didn't save anyone!" I protested, hiccoughing. "The rest of the Order did, and Lupin, too, he knew just when to break the bond…"

Molly titled her head the side, as though in gentle disagreement. "But dear, none of that would have mattered if it hadn't been for you! You were strong, when you could have just given up. You sacrificed your own sanity by agreeing to kill someone you loved, just so they could have a more dignified, rightful death. And above all, you were the only one who could have produced that bond that saved both your lives," Molly's eyes twinkled, "and you did. You are more a hero than any of us."

I stared blankly at the older witch before me, unsure whether to believe her words or not. Not awaiting an answer, however, Molly smiled and continued wrapping my hand up neatly.

"There!" she announced, shortly after. "I'm finished. Good as new." She smiled, and I quickly returned it, mine, however, lacking the warmth and happiness of hers. "Now, I believe you have someone you need to see."

Puzzled, I looked at her. "I do?"

Molly inclined her head slightly towards me. "I believe you owe Remus a visit."

"Lupin won't want to see me," I said shortly, not even allowing myself to think over the matter.

"_Remus_ would love to see you," Molly smirked. "Don't you think now is a better time than ever to reconcile your friendship?"

I sighed. "There are more important things to reconcile right now. Specifically my relationship with the rest of the Order. I doubt they all feel the same as you, Molly."

Molly brushed a hand through her hair tiredly. "Of course they all feel the same, Tonks." She smiled, but sat down wearily on the chair. Yawning, she looked back up at me. "My, if I'm tired, you must be exhausted. If you chose not to talk to Remus, I suggest you rest."

Struggling to regain a yawn myself, I nodded and turned to leave. But just as my fingertips grazed the door handle, I looked back, quickly meeting Molly's smiling eyes.

"Thank you," I said quickly, biting my lip hard. "Thanks for…everything."

"You're more than welcome, dear." Molly nodded knowingly.

My guilt suddenly lightened, I stepped out the door. Looking around the windy halls of the Burrow, I couldn't help but feel a little dizzy. I could hardly where my room was.

Leaning against the wall slightly for support, I began to climb the stairs, slowly, one by one. It proved to be more difficult than I had anticipated. Every stair took all I could give. My breathing heavy, I finally collapsed, embarrassed, on the last step the top. Merlin, this was difficult…

"Are you all right?" I felt a pair of long hands on my shoulders and I quickly turned around. Lupin was looking down on me, his eyes worried.

"I'm fine," I whispered, my breath still rapid and labored. Lupin narrowed his eyes.

"Come on," he said, bringing me up and carrying me into his room.

My face burned. "I'm fine," I squeaked, then immediately blushed even more by the weakness of my voice. I looked on one of the new scars on his neck and grimaced. "You were in much worse condition than me," I added quietly.

Ignoring me completely, he dropped me gently on his bed, quickly withdrawing his wand from his pocket. I couldn't help but feel slightly lonely without his arms wrapped around me. Annoyed, I shook the thoughts out of my head.

Lupin quickly began murmuring a few Healing spells, ones I had never even heard of. "You don't have to do this," I protested once more, finding it came quite easily to me. "I'm really…fine." I let out a breath of fresh air as he finished the spell. I felt as good as I ever could.

"I can't believe you weren't checked out by St. Mungo's," said Lupin, his voice trying to hide the worry. "Or at least Madame Pomfrey."

I shook my head, and began to sit up, but Lupin carefully pushed me back down with a single hand. I scowled. "You were in much worse shape than I was," I rasped stubbornly. "All I had was a few cuts and bruises here and there."

"Not to mention dehydration and starvation," said Lupin, almost smugly.

"You were beaten to a pulp!" I argued, influenced by Lupin's attitude.

"I'm used to it."

"Oh, so you're telling me I'm weak?"

"Not at all. You just haven't been a werewolf for nearly your whole life. And, _I_ did not have to face the emotional issues that you did."

"You had to face that you were going to _die_!"

"I've been facing that fact my whole life."

I opened my mouth, but quickly stopped, Lupin's words sinking in. "What do you mean?" I said quietly, my voice faltering.

Lupin looked at me, his eyes were once again holding that sense that he could see something I couldn't. I broke eye contact, content with staring at my feet.

"I'm a werewolf, Tonks. A half-breed. If lycanthropy didn't kill me, a prejudiced and disgusted wizard would," he said, his voice as solid as a rock.

"But you're not dead, are you?" I shot back. "You have to have more faith in people…"

"Why?" Lupin's voice was sharp, and I was taken aback. Sighing, he shook his head, and softened his tone. "Every time I've allowed myself to have faith in someone, they've let me down. It's better to underestimate, then overestimate and end up getting hurt."

A cool shiver ran down my spine, followed by a sudden white-hot feeling of rage, one I wasn't sure I could control. "Is that what happened with me?" My words were slow and careful, but each one was drenched in fury.

Lupin blanched. "Of course not…" he began.

"Then what the hell _did _happen?" I snapped, sitting up and waving off his hands. "I could have taken care of myself, I could have handled Greyback and all those filthy werewolves myself! I am not a child, you need not have treated me like one!"

My sharp words rang out against the silent night. Seconds pounded by as Lupin stared at me, a mixture of embarrassment and shock in his eyes.

Seething, I pushed him away, and stormed out of the room, my temple pulsing with anger.

"Nymphadora!" his voice rang out from behind me.

Shocked, I stopped, my anger quickly dissipating. _Nymphadora?_

I turned, my eyes wide. "What did you just say?"

"Nymphadora." Lupin stated, his eyes looking over me with determination. My heart pounded fast and hard in my chest. _Nymphadora?_ When had I suddenly stopped being Tonks, and starting being Nymphadora again? Blanked, I stared at Lupin, my mind racing as fast as my heart, but I couldn't think. I couldn't even tell if I was breathing. I didn't _care_.

"I didn't treat you like a child." My eyes snapped up to his. He was talking. He was explaining. I tried to calm my breathing, but I couldn't. I could only listen to Lupin. This time, it was my heart doing the thinking. "I treated you like the love of my life. He threatened you, told me he knew where you lived, what you did, who you were. He told me that I didn't need you. You were holding me back from being a true werewolf. He told me he'd kill you if I didn't break it off. He told me that…and he meant it." Lupin's eyes suddenly softened, filled with guilt and regret. "You may think it was patronizing and stupid of me, and that I didn't think that you can take care of yourself, but it wasn't that. I know you can. Merlin, and you can take care of everyone else while you're at it. But I couldn't bear to have that threat out there. Nymphadora…my life just isn't a life without you in it." Now he lowered his eyes, ashamed. "It was not a patronizing crime I committed. It was a selfish one. I needed you, and I couldn't stand being at fault for your death. So instead, I caused you all this pain. So much pain that you've lost your sense of being. I should be dead, now, Nymphadora." And now his tone lowered, strained. "But the worst part…the _worst_ is that I'd do the exact same thing if it all happened again."

He raised his eyes, and held my glance for a moment. His brown eyes observed me, filled with guilt and sorrow. Time seemed to flash by. Before I knew it, he had turned to leave, he head hung.

My heart still in control over my brain, I panicked, my head spinning. Quickly, I rushed forward, grabbing Lupin by the back of the hand. He turned, and I took the other one, staring him hard in the eyes.

"Remus," I said, my tone firm and strong. Then, shutting my eyes tightly, I kissed him.

---

A/N: Originally, I had planned to have this the last chapter before the epilogue…but…well, I ended it a little differently than planned. –blushes guiltily- Aw, come on, I couldn't help it! It was just so easy to add a bit of cheesiness there…-sigh- Fine, fine, I know, it was over-the-top. I'll try harder next time to cut down on the cheesy –crosses fingers- Also, the chapter title was from Grey's Anatomy. Please don't sue me. It's not mine. Anyways, so, thank you to all my lovely reviewers! Glad you enjoyed it! Now – review again! Pretty please?


	15. For Everything That I've Done

Chapter Fifteen: For Everything That I've Done

A/N: This chapter takes a bit of a different POV. I hope you like it, the next chap will be back to normal, though. Please R&R! 

It seemed like hours; we stood, our lips pressed together tightly, our breathing ragged and our hearts racing. We were together, for now, for always, and for forever. But forever only lasted until your morals kicked in.

You drew back, your eyes wide and unnerved. 'Nymphadora,' you would scold soon, in _that _voice. I didn't need to happen. I understood.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, and took a step backwards, nearly falling down the stairs, for you wouldn't keep your eyes off me. I wish you would stop.

"I'm sorry," my words were muddled together as I turned, and ran down the staircase as fast as I possibly could, ignoring you and your cries. Didn't you know I understood? Didn't you see I was sorry? I had been an idiot doing that. But still your voice calls to me.

I ran by Molly. She looked shocked, but then she saw you. Her good-natured expression flat lined, and I could hear her yelling at you. A slight silence filled my ears. She had stopped you. I hadn't even noticed you had been following me.

Finally, I raced through the doors. Rain was pouring, hard and fast, and I let go of my emotions. I screamed and raged, throwing my fists into that tree, the one that Ron always got stuck in when he played Quidditch. I tore the leaves from the branches, crunching them into tiny particles with my fists and throwing them all around me angrily.

I heard voices from inside, addressing me. I gasped, and ran even further; so far they wouldn't see me. There were no trees here. I was alone.

And finally, I collapsed on the ground, my shoulders shaking and my breathing strained. I was an idiot. You were right. You were always right. Love doesn't conquer all.

---

Molly cornered me easily, blocking my view of you.

"Remus!" she shrieked. I winced. "What have you done?"

She never suspects you, I've noticed. But I know it's with good reason.

"I need to talk to Nymphadora," I say. And it's true. How you ran, ashamed…I must have been such an idiot to let it go that far. I needed to fix this.

"What will you say?" she asked, her voice still reaching hysterics. I sighed.

"I don't know, Molly…" my eyes wander behind her, but you are gone. My chest tightens. I need to find you.

"Well, you should know!" she retorts, and my attention snaps to her. She is positively fuming, it's obvious. "Remus…whatever you've done…you need to _fix_. I will not, do you hear, _not_ stand for her getting hurt again!"

I bite my lip, embarrassed. "I'm sorry," I tell her, something I should be telling you.

Molly nods, and gives way. No time for acknowledgement, I sweep past her, and out the door.

You are gone, but Hermione and Ginny yell down to me from their bedroom window that you've gone out into the open fields. I nod curtly, keeping my posture, but all the while going crazy from worry. Why are you in the _fields_? Damn it. I need to talk to you.

Finally. I see you, crouched over, tears streaming down your face. My heart aches. I'm sorry. You may never forgive me, but I'm sorry.

Slowly, I near you, shrinking down to your level. You whimper, and I carefully rap my cloak and arms around you. Oblivious, and in pain, you fall back against me. Sharply drawing in a breath, I allow you to cry, your body tight against mine. When this is over, and you realize it's me, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

---


	16. Some Other Girl

Chapter Sixteen: Some Other Girl

I took in a deep breath, managing to control my sobs. The warmth Lupin's arms held wrapped around my body quickly disappeared as he backed away. An icy chill ran down my spine, and I peered up at the looming quarter moon, turned away from Lupin.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," I rushed, feeling annoyed at the permanent blush on my cheeks. "I shouldn't have done that, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry you had to see me like this. My actions were uncalled for."

There was a long silence. And then I heard it. A snort.

I turned around, "Excuse me?"

Lupin's head was low, but I could still make out a small smirk on his lips.

"What you think is so _funny_?" I snapped.

Silence.

"_Lupin_!"

He raised his head, staring into my eyes. I froze. "Nymphadora. This isn't you."

"Huh?" I replied stupidly.

Lupin couldn't resist a smile, but only for a moment. "This isn't _you_… 'uncalled for'? Nymphadora, the only time you've ever said that before was when you were doing an impersonation of McGonagall. Nothing from you has ever been uncalled for. This isn't you."

"If you haven't noticed, I've changed a bit," I snapped back, feeling thoroughly annoyed with his forward comments. "I've kind of had to, you know, on account of having my _heart _ripped out!"

Lupin sobered for just a moment. "I know…Nymphadora…and I suppose my words would be wasted to apologize –"

"Yeah, they would!" I shot back, feeling strangely hotheaded.

"You haven't changed," he continued. "Not deep down. You, Nymphadora, could never change."

"Oh? And how would you know that?"

"Because I know you." He stepped forward.

"No, you don't. Not anymore." I stepped back.

"You haven't changed." A step forward.

"Yes, I have! I've changed into a lonely, bitchy, silent, damaged, sorry excuse for a witch!" A step back.

"Well, you've matured, I'll give you that."

"How dare you – wait, wait – you cheeky cow! You're toying with me, aren't you?"

"I daresay no one's ever called me a cheeky cow before."

"Shut up! How dare you play with me like this? Haven't you done enough? How dare you! I can't believe I've wasted all this time on trying to apologize to you! It's _you _that owes _me_ one!"

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up!"

"But you said apologize…"

"But you don't mean it! You're only saying it because I told you to! It's insincere!"

"Maybe I'll surprise you with a sincere one when you least expect it."

"Damn right you will! But – now look what you've done! Now I'll expect the unexpected!"

"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I hate myself for hurting you, and I understand you if you never forgive me. I don't expect you to. I don't even know if I want you to – I deserve your hatred. But whatever happens, I'd just like to let you know. I'm sorry, Nymphadora."

My breath was labored, and I suddenly realized throughout our whole conversation he had been edging nearer to me. Now, our faces were barely inches away.

"W-what was that?" I tried to control my voice, but I was slowly losing all sense of reality.

His chiseled dark eyes slowly met mine, and I tried to not get lost in their oceans of colour. "It was an unexpected sincere apology." I noticed his voice was shaky too.

"Sincere?" I blabbed, my tongue feeling lose, and my body feeling numb.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"So am I," I replied, my eyes never leaving his. I slowly felt his hands rise, and cup my chin delicately. The lines on his face seemed to disappear, as did the grays in his hair, and the worry in his eyes. He was ageless.

I closed my eyes, and fell forward, pressed my forehead against his cheek. He sighed deeply. "You do know what we're getting into," he said slowly, his breath warm and lingering against my face.

"Yet again," I replied, and smiled. I lowered my lips to his, teasing him. His eyes opened, and met mine, unsure. "I guess you're right…I haven't changed."

His thumb brushed against my cheek. "I'm glad." He said, and slowly kissed me.

He always seemed to be right in the end.

A/N: Yes – it's the end. Sadly or not, depending on how you think of it. Hugs and thank you's to EVERYONE for reviewing:

**moony07, Santiva Potter, xtotallyatpeacex, Rachel452, sora kinomoto, ishandtwofourths, asli, gryffgurl88, mariyana, krumfan, Sophinna, Wishing For A Love Like This, kokiri fairy, Kara Adar, ansheika, Rogue-aka-Nettie, mystery of the night, Chrysanthemum3, eleen, AvengeTheDead, Bardlover, jerrica, GrednForge101, Linguna and Dani-32.**

_You were wonderful reviewers! Also, I'd like to thank everyone who put this story on story alert or favorites, but didn't review (and yes, I know who you are )_

**DragonheartRAB, disposableteengirl, fairygirlie, Girl Who Writes, Godricgal, iluvpandas, jessa-beth, junkieangelbabe, katie112211, lupin-is-awsum, Lilly Bear, sarah-keyko, Stella Lovegood, sugarland31, They-Call-Me-VoldyPoo, zenwarner, vanessaweasley, AttieOrion, GodessOfTheNight, JenneGnome, KaiserChiefette, p0l and rockerchick1232! **

_**Thank you so much!**_

_Oh, and I'm writing an epilogue/sequel like thing later, so keep your eyes peeled! _


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